Heartbeats
by NanPan86
Summary: Reworked/Re-post After a particularly nasty case, Olivia and Elliot both end up in Witness Protection. How do the get there, and what happens once they are together? Slightly AU in that Kathy and Elliot are divorced, and Elliot's only child is 4 yr old Eli. Sorry summary sucks, guess you have to read and decide for yourself! ;)
1. Chapter 1

**I SADLY OWN NOTHING**

_I wrote this story at the beginning of last year, I reworked because I wasn't really pleased with the way the story was going…if you read this already, the first 2 chapters are pretty much the same, just some time/flashbacks are a little different. The majority of the changes will be seen in the middle/end of the story. _

_I appreciate everyone who reviewed/alerted/favorite the story originally, and apologize for the inexcusable delay in updating my stories. Hopefully you enjoy!_

_Thanks, Nan_

_It's not really set at a particular time in the seasons, but Elliot and Kathy are divorced, and Kathy is out of the picture. _

_**10:25 am Hospital Corridor**_

"You'll never understand!" he shouted. "You're not a parent, thank god for that!"

Olivia recoiled as if he had slapped her. She wished he would have, at least that kind of pain was quick and fading, the words he hurled at her hurt. A deep heart breaking hurt that she felt she might never recover from.

"I understand you're upset Elliot, and yes I may not have a child of my own, but that doesn't mean I love Eli any less, or would purposely put him in danger." She wasn't sure he had even heard her; she had never seen him this angry. When he finally spoke it wasn't the response she had wanted.

"What were you even doing downtown? All you had to do was pick him up from daycare and bring him here. Even if you stopped to get him medicine you wouldn't have had to go there." He shouted the last of it causing her concussion to remind her it was there. She felt weaker than she ever had and aside from her head, her broken wrist was throbbing, and her ribs were killing her. The pain from where the bullet had grazed her was a dull ache compared to everything else, probably because she still couldn't believe it had happened. Her cast was hidden under the baggie sweatshirt an EMT had lent her, and she took extra care to disguise her facial expressions to conceal the real pain she was in.

She took a deep breath before speaking. "There was a jack-knifed tractor trailer on the bridge this morning and the detour took us there. I didn't have a choice El, it was quicker to just follow the detour than backtrack the whole way around!"

"Save it Olivia, I trusted you with my son! I trusted you, and you nearly got him killed. He is 4 years old, and he has a compound fracture in his arm while you have no injuries aside from stray glass!"

"Please El, let me explain, there was a . . ."

"No, you know what; stay the hell away of from my son. I don't want you anywhere near him, do you understand?"

"Stabler family?" Olivia welcomed the interruption, and tried to control her breathing as she watched the doctor speak with Elliot. "Mr. Stabler, we were able to set his arm, and close the wound with no difficulties. He has been moved to recovery, and he is asking for someone or something named '_Livvie'._"

Olivia had heard that, and tried to make herself invisible, the man had just told her to stay away from his son, and Eli was now asking for her instead of his father. She could actually see his anger creeping up his neck in a cartoonish way.

He turned around to face her, and before he could speak she said "Please, let me see him, to say goodbye, to tell him I won't be around for a bit. Please," she stopped and swallowed because her voice had broken and she refused to cry in front of him now.

"Fine, but I'm going in first, and I will be right outside in the hall to make sure nothing else happens to him." She didn't say anything, just followed him through the double doors that led to the recovery room. She waited leaning against the wall battling the fresh wave of nausea her concussion was causing. She had checked herself out of the hospital as soon as she could. She would be leaving in 1 hour whether she wanted to or not, so she didn't see the point of spending that hour in a bed, so she leaned back against the cold wall and closed her eyes. She wished she could redo the whole day…

**EARLIER THAT MORNING**

Precinct 7:50 am

Olivia walked into the precinct carrying two cups of steaming coffee. She shivered a little in the elevators as the warmth of the building finally broke through the unusually bitter cold weather for the month of November.

"Hey El." She didn't wait for an answer, not knowing if he would really give her one anyway, and just placed his coffee on his desk. Since his divorce, it seemed aside from being there for Eli when he needed her, she could do nothing right. When she asked how he was doing he got defensive and would advise her to mind her own business, though most of the time it was not nearly as friendly. He also seemed to get mad at her if she didn't speak to him, asking what had happened to not make her blabber all morning. She tried to not take it personally, knowing he was struggling with his faith and the divorce, not to mention that the final breaking point in his marriage was Kathy cheating on him!

"Hey Livia, how you doing this fine morning?" Fin waited for her to stop staring at the back of her partners head as if that would somehow tell her what mood he was in today.

"Hey Fin, I'm fine, and what about yourself?" She answered him as she turned toward him fully.

"I have been meaning to ask you if you ever opened up that restraining order against Raymond Cortez's brother Jesse? Is he still threatening you for locking up Raymond?"

Olivia sighed and debated telling him that everything was fine like she always did, but figured he was asking because he cared for her and he deserved to know what was going on.

_*FLASHBACK*_

2 months earlier SVU interrogation room

"You think we don't have enough to hold in court? You are a sick disgusting slob who gets off on raping little boys. You were so rough with one of them he died from blood loss! You're going away for good, guess what you'll be doing in prison?" Olivia slammed her palms down on the table that was scattered with various photos of the boys Raymond Cortez had raped or in the last victims' case murdered and raped.

"I ain't gonna be nobody's bitch in prison cause I'm not going! Where is your evidence bitch? You are so confident. Then show me! Otherwise I think we are done here." Raymond sat back with a smug look on his face. He never left a trace of evidence behind. He wasn't sure why he had been brought in for questioning, but his last boy had been textbook clean. He was no idiot, he was certain he didn't slip up.

Olivia smiled and looked at him, "yeah you're right Ray, and we are done here. You're under arrest for the murder of Joey Dawson, and the raping of Joey and 12 other little boys." As she said this she had placed a piece of paper in front of him that had a DNA result on it. "See here Ray, you slipped with your last victim Ryan. He wasn't wearing shoes did you know that? He managed to scrape you with his toe nails drawing blood and collecting skin cells that are a direct match to the DNA sample from the last time you were in prison. You are gonna make the guys in prison very happy."

She looked at him and was happy to see that smug look off his face. He was pale and sweating probably from fear of having what he did to those little boys done to him.

"You will regret this with every breath in your body bitch! Do you hear me? Your days are numbered!..." His shouts were drowned out when Olivia walked out of the room, and into a whole new scene of chaos.

Elliot had Jesse Cortez's face smashed against the wall while he was putting cuffs on him muttering about assaulting an Officer. When Elliot turned towards her she saw he had a split lip from where he had been hit, and also that he had done some damage to Jesse's face as well.

"Where the hell is my brother bitch?" Jesse spat out.

"Jesse, your older brother is a horrible excuse for a man and he is going away for life for what he did." Olivia replied, trying to keep her voice even and control the concern she had for Elliot and the blood she saw on his face and knuckles. She hated when he was hurt, seeing him in pain and bleeding was like her being hurt herself. Not to mention she was usually the one to clean his minor injuries and he was such a baby.

"He may have been dumb enough to get caught, but you can bet I won't! You better watch your back cause when I get out of here, I am coming after you bitch." He shouted the last of it as he was being led away by another officer, leaving Olivia to tend to Elliot's wounds, and assure him that she was FINE and didn't need a babysitter because of Jesse.

"I'm a cop Elliot, I know how to take care of myself, and I have been threatened before and look. Here I am." She flung her arms out to the side with flourish to further prove her point and successfully ending the discussion for the time being.

_*End Flashback*_

Olivia thought quickly about how much to tell Fin especially here in the open where anyone, most importantly Elliot could hear them. She hadn't told him about all the late night calls with vicious threats, or the times she had sworn she was being followed. They had enough on their plates without adding a potential stalker to the mix.

"There isn't really anything new happening right now Fin. There haven't been any incidents all week, and after I found the box with a dead snake in it I have been more aware of what is going on around me. I swear this whole thing is driving me crazy! I have been paying attention to detail so much I could tell you the flavor of the gum in the guy's mouth behind me this morning while I was picking up coffee." She kept her voice to a whisper and was holding a folder in her hand in case anyone wondered what they were discussing.

"That's good baby girl, you know I'm only looking out for you right?" He asked with the same brotherly affection she had grown to love about him. "And I think you should tell Stabler what has been going on these last two months. If something does happen or he finds out somehow, he is gonna be pissed that you didn't tell him." He added more seriously.

She thanked him for asking but chose not to respond to his last statement fearing it would lead to an argument. She walked back to her desk and looked at Elliot as she took a sip of her coffee. He was on the phone and didn't look happy at all. She chuckled thinking what a surprise. At work he was almost always angry, and not just at her, but everyone. She couldn't wait for her day to end so she didn't have to deal with "work Elliot." When it was just Elliot Olivia and Eli, things were better. Not perfect, but less stressful. He smiled and laughed and joked with her. In the months that he has been free from Kathy, Olivia had noticed that yes, they had been spending more time together after work which she actually loved, but also that sometimes Elliot would stare at her with a look she couldn't quite place. Sometimes it was intense and brooding, and others it was wistful and dreamy. They locked eyes a lot, and she had lost track of the times he has touched her in a non-accidental way these past couple of months. For some reason they had always had this unspoken rule about not touching. Even if one of them got hurt is was a quick moment of touching to make sure they were okay and they would distance themselves just as quick. These touches lately have been longer and more intimate. She wasn't sure if Elliot felt the same way she did for him, but his hand on the small of her back while she held Eli, or the way he would gently push her hair back from her face, and even when he had simply taken her hand in his as all three had walked home from the park, were giving her hope that maybe something could happen after all.

"Are you even listening to me Liv?" Elliot asked with a small frown on his face.

"Sorry? What were you saying?" She jerked back to the present, and stared into his beautiful blue eyes.

"I asked if you could pick Eli up for me. His daycare called and said he has a fever and needs to come home, but I have to go interview the janitor in the Collins Case because Cragen thinks I can soften him up with stories from the marines. All you have to do is pick him up and bring him here till I get back around noon. He can nap upstairs."

He wanted to ask what she had been thinking about when he asked her that the first time. She had a dreamy expression on her face and a small smile playing at her mouth. God she was so beautiful it took his breath away sometimes. He wished she felt about him the way he felt about her…

"Sure I can pick him up; I still have his booster seat from yesterday so I will just head out now." She replied as she stood from her chair to tell Cragen she was leaving for an hour.

As the daycare came into view Olivia slowed down keeping a close eye on the dark blue truck she had noticed was possibly following since she left the precinct. It had taken her 10 extra minutes to get here because she was turning and changing direction as much as possible to confirm she was being followed. When the truck pulled past her quickly she didn't get a look at his face but was able to get the plates. She texted them to Fin to run and see what came up.

Once she had Eli buckled in, she began the drive back to SVU. 15 minutes into the drive she saw the truck in her rearview mirror again.

"Shit" she hissed.

"Livvy say bad word, Livvy say bad word!" Eli sang from the back seat, not knowing how dangerous the drive back was about to get.

"I know buddy, I'm sorry, don't tell your father, okay? Why don't you close your eyes and when you open them we will be at daddy's work?" She asked trying to distract him.

She pressed down on the gas and breezed through a yellow light onto the bridge. She had nearly crossed it when the truck could be seen speeding up behind her SUV. The light ahead was red, and there was no way she was chancing it with Eli asleep in the car. As soon as she could, she sped through the intersection quickly turning right then left again. The truck was still on her trail, no matter how hard she tried to shake it.

She decided it was time. She pulled out her phone and dialed Elliot's number. It rang and she cursed the thoughts racing through her mind, _"what should I tell him, I'm sorry I didn't tell you but I need your help, ps I think I'm in love you, no I know I'm in love you…" _

It went to voice mail after the 4th ring, and she asked him to call her right back. She knew her voice sounded scared, and she was scared. It wasn't just her life in danger, but an innocent little boy who had so much life to live.

_Interview with Janitor_

Elliot asked the man what platoon he went through basic in and knew he was going to get all the answers he needed from this guy. Cragen was right; he just needed some softening up.

He felt his phone vibrate and pulled it out to check the ID, seeing it was Liv, he pressed the ignore button. She probably just wanted to tell him something about something that wasn't at all important…she would leave a voicemail. As they were discussing basic training at Paris Island, she called him again.

_Somewhere downtown in the SUV_

"Come on El, pick up the phone! Ugh not voicemail…El please I…I need you to call me back. Someone's following me." She swore again and smacked the steering wheel with her fist in frustration, and threw her phone into the passenger seat.

"Awww Livvy you have to put money into the sass jar for 2 bad words." Eli said still oblivious to the situation.

She stole a glance in the rear view mirror and tried for a smile, but before she could muster up an excuse, Eli spoke again. "Slow down, my tummy hurts too Livvy."

"Eli buddy I can't slow down. Just close your eyes and we will be with your dad when you wake up." She hoped it was true. She didn't know the exact directions to the school Elliot was at, but if she could get to him, she knew she would be safe. She looked into the rear mirror and didn't see the truck. Had she lost it?

"Livvy why does that man have a gun?"

Olivia looked out the driver side window right into the barrel of the gun Jesse Cortez was holding. She slammed on the breaks as a million thoughts raced through her head. _"This can't be happening! El. I should have listened to Fin. What if I die, will anyone care? El. Please god, if you can hear me, I don't care what happens to me. Keep Eli safe. El. I wasted so much time, I should have told Elliot how I feel. Oh god if something's happens to Eli he won't ever forgive me. Please, Elliot I am so sorry, I love you. I have always loved you. Forgive me."_

The truck braked with her, and was dead even with her when he fired the first shot. The bullet tore through the window sending shards of glass into Olivia's head, face, and neck. She tried to ignore the blinding pain in her shoulder where she was certain the bullet was. She tried to ignore everything but staying alive long enough to get to help.

The truck swerved hard into the SUV causing an ungodly sound of screeching metal. Eli screamed and began crying loud and hard. Olivia looked back and saw his arm which must have been between his seat and the door when the truck hit. Oh god he was bleeding.

"_This is bad" _she thought, but didn't have time to finish thinking or even ask if he was alright which clearly he wasn't from the sound of his cries. The truck slammed into them again pushing the SUV right into a parked bread truck. "_I am so sorry Elliot, I love you, forgive me."_ She tried to hang on, but the darkness took over, and she was too tired to fight it.

_Interview with Janitor_

Elliot looked down at his phone for the 3rd time, and the janitor asked if he needed to take the call.

"Elliot Stabler" He answered in a short tone, hating being interrupted during an interview.

"Mr. Stabler, this is Officer Levice, your son was in a car accident and is on route to the hospital. As far as we can tell his only major injury is a compound fracture of the arm. The woman driving was an Olivia Benson; she suffered lacerations to the face and neck…"

Elliot didn't even finish listening to the officer; he hung up and sped the whole way to the hospital. The only thought aside from the constant prayers for his son was about Olivia. "_What was she thinking? What the hell happened, she chooses now to drive recklessly with my son in the car? I am going to kill her when I see her."_ He didn't know if she was okay, but at the moment his son was his only concern as he ran into the ER.

**ELI'S HOSPITAL ROOM 10:45 AM**

As Elliot walked into the room, all Olivia could think about was the little boy inside. She couldn't believe he had gotten hurt because of her own stubbornness…this morning seemed like a bad dream, and she prayed it would end, and she would wake up back in her own bed…

When Elliot had let her into the room, she had almost started crying immediately. She really loved Eli, and she had enjoyed all the extra time they had gotten to spend together since the divorce and Kathy leaving her entire family behind to chase a child really, that was half her age across the country to LA. She stood there staring at him for a second before he looked up from his cast to shout her name.

"Livvie! I got a cast! I wanted to get a blue one, but they didn't have blue so I gotta brightest green one! And the Doctor said I was so good, he gave me a sticker that goes on my cast, and he said people can write on it too!"

She smiled at him, and carefully sat on the bed minding her ribs. "That is very cool Eli, and green is my favorite color. I wish I had gotten a green cast too, but they only had white, black or pink in my OR." She had pulled up her sleeve to show him her black cast that matched his. They compared their casts for a minute, and then signed each other's cast, Olivia writing that she loved him, and Eli giving her his sticker because her cast was too dark to see the sharpie.

After stalling as long as she could, Olivia finally turned to Eli with a serious look on her face. "Eli, remember how we talked about how people have to do things they sometimes don't want to do? Like when you had to clean your toys up before getting an ice-cream? "He nodded his head and looked a little sad, and Olivia wondered if he somehow sensed what she was about to tell him.

"Well buddy, I have to go away for a while, and you won't be able to see me while I'm gone." She stopped to control her voice, and glanced towards the door where she could see Elliot's shadow to the right of the frame. She took a deep breath and was about to continue when Eli spoke in almost a whisper.

"Are you mad at me? I will be good I promise, I won't cry anymore, and I will pick up all my toys when I'm done playing. I promise Livvie, please don't go!"

She thought she would come in here and tell him goodbye and be done with it, but sitting here listening to him beg her not to leave was breaking her already bruised heart.

"Eli, you didn't do anything wrong in the first place." She couldn't help or hide the tears as they began to fall. "I don't want to go either, but I have to. You know I love you, and I always will, but like I said I have to leave even though I don't want to."

"But you promised you would come to my play, I am the main pumpkin in the Giving Feast!"

"Eli, please don't cry," she gathered him into his arms even though her entire body screamed in protest.

"It's okay to miss me and be sad when people leave, but remembering the good times makes you feel less sad. Can you do that?"

He nodded, sniffled and added "When will you be back? What happens if I run out of good stuff to think about?"

Olivia reached up and unclasped the necklace she had on. It was the Semper Fi pendant his father had given on her birthday one year. She reached over and clasped it around his neck and said "This will always be something you can use to think of me. This is my lucky necklace, and I never take it off, but I need someone to look after it while I'm gone. Can you do that for me?"

Again he nodded, and held the charm in his palm. "Daddy look what Livvie gave me." He held it out for him to examine, and Olivia was confused at the look that passed over his face, was that hurt at seeing his gift to her in his son's hand? She was too exhausted to think too much into it anyway.

Olivia leaned in one last time and kissed him on the forehead, and told him she loved him. She stood up and walked to the door without glancing at Elliot, but heard him tell Eli he would be right back and then his approaching footsteps. She wished she could have run, because she only wanted to cry right now, she didn't think she was strong enough to fight with him right now.

He reached out and took hold of her wrist and was shocked to feel the cast hidden beneath the sleeve.

"I did what you wanted Elliot and I am going home now. Go back to Eli, he needs you right now." She wouldn't meet his eyes, and neither noticed the pair of suited men that exited the elevators down the hall and began walking towards them.

"Liv wait, you're hurt, you should see a doctor." He was finally seeing her and not just a film of red from his anger. She was so pale, and the shadows under her eyes were nearly black as a bruise. Her eyes were glassy not only from tears, but probably from pain as well.

"Detective Benson" Both turned to the two men in suits that had approached them, and both immediately recognized Dean Porter as one of them. He stepped forward handed the bag that held Olivia's belongings, including her badge and gun.

"It's time Olivia, are you ready?" She looked at Porter as if he were speaking another language, but nodded before turning to Elliot fully.

"I need you to do one last thing for me Elliot, give these to Cragen for me please." She handed him her gun and badge, and turned away with a dead expression on her face.

"So that's it then, things get shaky and you run? What a surprise." She stopped and turned around abruptly almost knocking into him.

"I tried to tell you earlier, but you wouldn't let me explain, and now it's too late. I wanted to tell you myself, but now you will have to hear it from Cragen. I really am sorry Elliot, I didn't think he would try to hurt anyone but me, but I was wrong, I am not running, I have no choice in the matter."

"What are you talking about Olivia?"

"I'm sorry, we have to leave now." Porter stepped between the two detectives and motioned for Olivia to walk towards the elevator. Elliot could only watch as his partner for nearly a decade once again walked away.


	2. Chapter 2

I sadly own nothing….

Thanks for the reviews,

Nan

Olivia's safe house, Lyndonville, New York.

If it were possible to detach your head from your own body and still live, Olivia seriously would have. Then again if she could detach her head, why not remove her heart while she was at it…No thinking or feeling ever again, she quite liked the sound of it.

It had only been 1 week. 7 days since she landed in some dismal town in Orleans County New York. 7 days since she had somewhat unwillingly walked away from Elliot. She couldn't decide if it were a blessing or a curse. She had wanted to disappear when he had been shouting at her in the hospital that day, but she also found herself drifting off thinking about him. She did this more often than she liked. She had told Eli that it was okay to miss someone, but to make it hurt less, think about the good times. Oh god she hoped he was doing better at it than she was, because when she did drift off, she would periodically find herself coming to with tears drying on her cheeks.

It hurt. Not just emotionally, but physically as well. It hurt to think about them, it hurt to try to ignore her heart wishing for them. She wished that she had parted with Elliot on better terms…who knew how long she would remain in Witness Protection.

Witness Protection, ugh the word was bitter on her tongue. She hated being here. She was a damn cop, she shouldn't have had to run away to protect herself. She shouldn't have refused that detail Fin had insisted. She had a whole list of 'shoulda, woulda, coulda's'…

Her ribs still ached something fierce, and her wrist constantly throbbed. She couldn't take the pain meds because they made her too nauseas, and when she got sick her head hurt so much she would get sick again, and then she just spent the day in a vicious cycle of being sick from one or the other. Porter had almost not left her alone because of her head injury. She was still pretty out of it when they were driving out here.

**Flashback

"_I am fine Porter."_

"_Sure Olivia, and I am the President of the United States…look all I am saying is that if you need me to, I can stay a couple of days to make sure you are okay." Dean said._

_Olivia looked at him suspiciously. She knew he liked her, but wasn't sure if this is a ploy to get closer to her, or if he genuinely was concerned with her well being. "What are you playing at Porter?" She refused to use his first name, not wanting to give him any false hopes of a relationship between them._

"_God, you are a piece of work, you know that? I am honestly trying to be kind and help you out, and you think I am what? Trying to get in your pants? Come on Olivia, any man would have to be blind to not see the way you are with Stabler. Even when you at odds with each other, you still have this crazy bond. I can stay if you want me to, that's it. Not to mention you are hardly able to stand on your own."_

_She sighed and walked over to him, although it was more of a shuffle because of the pain. "You really are a kind man Porter. Any woman would be lucky to have you. Thank you for the offer, but I will be okay." She took his hand and gave it a gently squeeze, and added "I am pretty sure Jesse saw Eli, and I am positive Eli saw him. Are you keeping him safe?"_

"_Actually, we are. We haven't decided if we need to move him into WP, but im certain we couldn't take Eli alone…Stabler would insist on coming. Right now we have 24-7 patrol on them, don't worry they are safe." He looked at her for a minute longer before finally sighing and saying "Take care of yourself, Detective. If you need anything, this phone is only set up to take my call and to call me. It is a secure line, so please don't hesitate to call me." With one last look, he walked out the door leaving Olivia alone with her thoughts._

_**End Flashback_

So here she was 7 days later, still fighting that vicious cycle of nausea, and still thinking about Elliot. She was busy dreaming about one of the trips to the park when the phone that Porter had given her rang. "Hello Dean." She had a small smile on her face because she knew he was calling to check up on her. He was turning out to be a good friend.

"Hey yourself" He liked the way his name sounded from her lips. "How are you feeling?" He knew the answer…_fine_

"Fine. . . Actually, I'm not, are you closer to finding him? I'm going crazy here Dean!" She said in an exasperated tone.

"That's actually why I called. I have some news that is bad, but it's good."

"What does that mean Dean? It can't be good news if I am still stuck here."

"There was a fire a fire this morning in Elliot's apartment."

"Oh my god! Please tell me he and Eli are okay. This is all my fault…" she nearly broke down right there on the phone.

"Let me finish Olivia, they weren't home. We think it was a scare tactic, and it worked. We are moving Elliot and Eli today. I guess it's good news because we couldn't place them anywhere else on such short notice. They are on their way to your safe house now."

"I…wait… they are coming here? I don't think that is a good idea, he wanted to kill me the last time he saw me. He still will want to kill me for not telling him about all this sooner…"

"He is not going to kill you, he may still be mad at you, and you better be mad at him still too from what I caught at the hospital before we left. I guess this will give you the opportunity to work some stuff out. He should be there at 11:30 pm. That's all I know right now. Just give me a text when he gets there so I know there were no problems. Good night 'livia."

"Good night Dean, thank you for letting me know all this." As soon as she hung up the phone she had a minor panic attack. _'oh god, this isn't happening…he is still so mad at me! Oh please, who am I kidding, I wanted to be stashed away with him, this is exactly what you wanted Olivia.'_

It took several minutes to calm down enough to move off the floor where she had collapsed. Now that she was moving she was glad for the physical pain. Anything to take her mind off seeing him again. She wasn't ready, she needed to really sift through her emotions and properly deal with them before he shows up again. As it was she barely had an hour to sort everything out. Oh god, why hadn't Porter called her earlier. It was at least a 7 hour drive to Lyndonville, Orleans County. He had literally all day to call her.

Elliot's car I-81

"Hey buddy, we are almost there, but if you want to you can sleep for a little bit." Elliot looked into the rearview mirror at his son for the 1000th time during this drive. His son had stopped talking to him right after he told him he hated him, and wished he wasn't his daddy.

**Flashback

"_Why did Livvie leave? She said she didn't want to. Why didn't she just stay?" Eli asked trying hard to keep his lip from quivering._

"_Buddy, it is just like Olivia said, sometimes you have to do things you don't like, and there isn't any other reason." He said as he ruffled his sons' hair._

"_Livvie said you were mad at her. That's why she left isn't it? Isn't it!" he shouted, not bothering to hide the tears or anger in his voice anymore. "You made her leave us! She said she didn't want to leave me, but you made her. I hate you! I wish you weren't my daddy! I want Livvie!" he cried as he ran to his room. He cried himself to sleep in his big boy bed Livvie, Daddy, and he had built._

_Elliot just stared at the spot where his son had stood. 'Well that's it, they all hate me now. Why do I push everyone so hard they ultimately end up hating me'? He won't ever forget this moment, the moment his son had not only said he hated him, but had literally seethed with such anger that he had felt it as if he had been hit with ocean waves. 'I pushed Liv and look what she kept from me because of it. She could have died, but I wouldn't even have known because she had resorted to keeping secrets from me. I always manage to mess everything up.' He moved off the couch and took a photo from the wall that had Olivia and Eli and him in it. He stared at it until he could no longer see the photo from the tears in his eyes._

_**End Flashback_

God he wished this drive was over. It had been the quietest car ride of his entire life. And with his father, there had been some long quiet car rides. He had tried to talk to Eli, but the boy was his father's son, and was full of the Stabler stubbornness.

Finally they were there. As he entered the long driveway, he reminded his son one last time of the rules. "Alright, when we see Olivia we have to be really careful not to hurt her. She is banged up just like you, only a little worse cause she has some broken ribs and a bad bump on her head. So no jumping okay?" He looked again at him, and saw a little spark back in eyes at the thought of seeing 'his Livvie' again. He wondered if the same spark was in his eyes as well.

He barely had the car in park when Eli had himself out of his seat and prying at the door. When Elliot finally opened his door, he had intended to carry him into the house so there would be no accidental hurting of Olivia, but Eli shot out of the car and was opening the door before he could grab him.

"Livvie!" Eli cried as he launched himself at Olivia, who had been standing behind the front door. "I missed you so much Livvie, daddy was mean to send you away! I told him I hated him, and that I didn't want him as a daddy, so can I stay with you now? I promise promise to be really good."

She tried to catch her breath and remain standing while holding him tight to her. The jumping hug had rattled not only her ribs and wrist, but sent her head reeling as well. She was struggling to focus on what he was babbling about catching about every other word when Elliot's voice pierced through the fogginess.

"ELI! What did I just tell you, huh? You are hurting her, come here" He tried to grab him from Olivia, but she spun away not quite managing to mask the pain on her face Eli was causing.

"I fine" she tossed over her shoulder at him as she moved into the living room. She moved to sit on the sofa and then thought better of it, and remained standing holding the boy in her arms.

Eli was rubbing his good hand against her cheek, as if being in her arms wasn't enough. They stayed like that while Elliot brought in their bags, and Eli had fallen asleep before the last bag was in. Once she had placed him upstairs in a bed, she slowly made her way to her room and sat on her bed.

She wasn't sure how long he had been standing in the doorway, but she could feel his presence now so she steeled herself for him. "I laid him down in the last room on the right. It's right next to yours, though from what he told me, he wouldn't mind if you were outside in the shed. What happened?" '_Stick with Eli, that is a safe topic…'_

He didn't answer her right away, instead he approached her and held out his hand. "Put these on your ribs, I know they hurt. I'm sorry he did that, I told him you were still hurt…I don't know why he doesn't listen."

She took the bag of frozen peas and held them for in her hand. She wasn't going to show him how much she really wanted to put the peas on her ribs, instead she said "Look, he didn't hurt me, and you shouldn't yell at him like that. He is just a boy. . .Look I am really tired and I know you must be, we can deal with your bags in the morning. 'Night." She turned and tossed the peas on her night stand before crossing to the bathroom not giving him a chance to respond.

Once she had closed the bathroom door she barely made it the toilet before she was dreadfully sick from the pain. She had just gotten on fresh pjs after her shower when she heard Eli screaming.

"LIVVIE! Please the bad guy is gonna get me! NOOO!"

She was in his room before Elliot, and gently shook him awake.

"It's okay Eli, you're safe. He can't hurt you here. Come on buddy wake up." She smoothed his hair back and rocked him slowly back and forth.

"He comes back in my dreams Livvie. He is a very bad man, please don't leave me alone." He was crying again, his sobs breaking her heart. She knew Elliot was standing in the doorway again watching the interaction, but he made no motion to interrupt.

"Can I sleep with you tonight Livvie?" He asked in a small voice.

"Oh Eli that's not a good idea right now, I'm still pretty sore from the accident. Do you know who is really good with bad dreams?" She asked him, making sure she was just loud enough for Elliot to hear as well.

"Daddy's are the best to help get rid of bad dreams. Especially your dad. I think he is the bad dream wizard, he always knows when you about to have a bad dream, and he wakes you up just in time."

"Daddy is mad at me though. I hurt his feelings. . .He won't help me anymore cause he doesn't love me no more." He said tearing up again.

"Oh buddy that is so not true. Your father could never stop loving you. No matter what you do, he will always be your father, and he will always love you. I bet if you went into his room right now he would love that." She looked over towards the door and saw the retreating shadow she had expected. "Come on, let's get you in bed with your father."

Hand in hand they walked into his room. With each step his grip on her hand got tighter and tighter. "Go ahead." She whispered as he hesitated on the side of the bed.

"Daddy?"

Elliot pretended to wake up "What is it Eli? Wait I know, you had a bad dream? I was just about to come see if you wanted to sleep in here with me."

Olivia heard Eli's shocked gasp before he hopped into bed with his dad. "I love you daddy, I'm sorry for hurting your heart."

"I love you too." He pulled Eli into his arms and before Olivia could disappear back into her bedroom, he whispered in a voice thick with tears, "Thank you."

Olivia wiped her own teary eyes, and thought about the days and conversations to come before finally falling into a deep dreamless sleep.

For the first time since the accident Olivia had slept through the night, or at least hadn't waken up since Eli's nightmare last night. She swung her legs over the ledge of the bed slowly sitting up and stared at the puddle of condensation that was under the bag of peas Elliot had brought her last night. Sighing, she cleaned the night stand, and changed into loose jeans, a white tank top, and a hoodie, before heading downstairs for her cup of tea.

It was only 7:30 in the morning so she kept quiet while she was in the kitchen. She stared out the window and wondered if it were finally going to snow today. She thought about Elliot upstairs, and how she was going to handle it. He would still be mad for Eli getting hurt while in her care, but he also would be mad for her keeping the whole thing with Jesse Cortez a secret. Why did everything have to be so complicated between the two?

It's not that she wanted to run away from the problem, but she was always the one to want to keep the peace, and it was easier to pretend everything was okay if half of the problem was not there. This particular situation was hard though, Elliot had said a lot of very hurtful things, and she didn't want to let him think he could walk all over her, or that she had forgiven him. Still, on the other hand, she was still hoping for some kind of relationship with him…_'god I must have a worse concussion than I thought if I still think I have a chance with him'_ she thought to herself.

She sighed again before turning from the window and finding Elliot staring at her. She wondered how long he had been standing there, and wondered how he could be so quiet. She hadn't even heard him on the stairs. _'oh god what do I say? Why is he up so early, and where was Eli?'_ Aside from the accident, Eli had been the only thing they never fought about.

"Morning" he said staring at her and practically willing her to respond to him. He didn't know what he wanted her to say, but he just wanted to hear her voice. He wanted to hear her laugh, or feel her smile against his neck when they hugged. More than anything he wanted to go back to before the accident and make her tell him what was going on. '_I thought you trusted me Liv. Why didn't you tell me? I couldn't protect you, and this is all my fault…' _Still in thought he remembered when Olivia had finally shared something personal with him.

_**Flashback 6 years ago_

"_God, seeing this shit everyday makes me want to wrap every kid in a bubble and never let them out of my sight. I don't know how someone could do that to a child."_

"_El, we deal with these kinds all the time. We know they are out there, and us doing our job makes the world a little safer every day. Keeping kids sheltered won't change the fact that there are monsters out there."_

_Sighing, Elliot looked at Olivia. Her face was still flushed from the run both had taken after they had wrapped this case. They had both been so restless and decided a run would help. It was no jog in the park either; he had started out at a punishing speed forcing her to practically sprint the entire first 2 miles of the run. She had kept up with him the entire 5 miles he made them run. She never complained. He didn't think she ever would, it was almost as if she sensed that he needed to forget about SVU for a little, and running helped. _

"_El, what's really bothering you? " she knew he was upset about something else, not just the case, although the case was horrible enough. A young mother had been so strung out, she sold her 4 year old daughter for a hit. When the mother came down from her high 2 days later, she realized her daughter was missing. It had taken SVU 2 weeks to track down the dealer, and finally the little girl. She was being held in a warehouse where she was used by not only the dealer, but also an exclusive group of men who were involved in a sex traffic ring. The little girl was tied to table, and pooled below her was a very large amount of blood along with other fluids from the attackers. She was barely breathing and was rushed to the hospital, where she died due to a combination of dehydration and traumatic blood loss. The mother was beside herself with guilt, and had killed herself upon hearing the news of her death. It was a gruesome case, and everyone involved was looking to some down time._

"_Cragen suspended me…" he finally said. "For losing it with the mother, but I wasn't wrong and if she hadn't been so strung out, her daughter would still be alive. He is making me get a complete psych evaluation before I can return. It's bullshit…"_

"_When does it start? Do you have to see Huang, or is it off the record?"_

"_He said effective immediately I was to use my vacation and that if I went to see someone outside the unit, it wouldn't go in my jacket." _

_Olivia looked at him for a minute before speaking, "why is he making you see someone now? You have done worse…at least you didn't hit her." She said trying to lighten the situation._

_It was the wrong thing to do. He whipped back to her fuming with anger._

"_The hell is that? I get shit for everything I do, and you can run around pulling the wool over everyone's eyes because you're a woman. How many times have I covered for your ass or taken the heat for you? And you throw that in my face now! I would never hit a woman, and you of all people would know." He shouted._

"_I was kidding Stabler. Look, I have covered for you plenty of times and taken the wrap for something stupid you have done more times than I can remember. You think because that I am a woman that I don't get reprimanded? I have been, I just choose not to broadcast it." She shot back at him._

"_Right, thanks for trying to make it better Liv, but I am too mad to laugh…I guess I'm just gonna head out."_

"_I hacked the system to find my father." She whispered almost hoping he wouldn't hear her._

"_What?"_

"_I pretty much forced the guy to do it, and when I got the truth about who he was, I went after him. Or at least I was going to until IAB got in the way…remember when I worked with Homicide on that assignment for a couple of weeks? I was working with them, but it was kind of like 'if you don't do this, you're done'. So I did, and I got over it." She said, her voice getting stronger as she went._

"_What did you find out about him? Your father I mean? Did you get to speak to him?"_

_She took a deep shuddering breath, before answering him. "He raped her El. My whole life I knew something was wrong with me, wondered what was it that made my mother hate me so much…I am the daughter of a rapist Elliot." She whispered the last of it as a tear fell._

_He didn't know what to do; nothing he could say would change what she had found out about herself. But he decided to just go with the truth. "Liv, you are the bravest, strongest, kindest person I know. You overcame so much in your life to get where you are today, and you are so much more than you know. You made it a point to be nothing like your mother, and I am 100% certain that you are nothing like your father." He told her, brushing a stray strand of hair from her face and brushing a tear with his thumb. He kept pushing the moment by pulling her gently into a hug._

_She held herself still for a moment before melting into his embrace. They both gave comfort and took it from the other. Both realizing that their partnership had just taken a huge step in a direction neither was prepared for._

_**End Flashback_

"How are you feeling?" He tried again. Never taking his eyes off her.

"I am fine, my ribs are fine, my head is fine, I. am . Fine." She bit off before turning away from him. "Look, I don't want to fight with you right now, but haven't forgiven you either. I am just so tired…can you understand that?"

"Come on, we have been in some stressful and tense times before and we have always gotten past them. I know I screwed up Liv, please just tell me how to fix it."

He had moved behind her and touched her arm gently urging her to turn around. She resisted so he dropped his hand and sighed heavily before speaking again.

"Okay, I won't push you. I just need you to give me another chance. I don't want to lose you too. I don't think I could survive without you. I know Eli won't stand for it." He added with a little smile.

"I don't think I can ever thank you enough for what you did last night with Eli by the way. Even though it was only 7 days of him not speaking to me, it felt like months. You gave him back to me even though you pretty much hate me right now." He paused trying to control his emotions, and then added "I don't blame you for hating me, I hate me too, but I meant what I said about not being able to survive without you."

Olivia was facing him again, and nearly broke down herself. She hated seeing him hurting, but the truth was, she wasn't ready to forgive him just yet. Deciding she wasn't ready to deal with him or the issue fully, she began to walk past him when he reached out and took hold of her arm. Without even looking at him she whispered "I could never hate you Elliot. I just don't like you right now. I promise when I am ready to talk I will let you know." Stepping out of his grasp she made her way out of the kitchen.

Elliot sat down and put his head in his hands. He wished he could have just erased every stupid thing he had ever done to her. When he saw her last night, he had been hit with a wave of a particular emotion he wasn't sure he wanted. How could I have hurt her like that, and still have these feelings for her? When the door opened, it was seriously as if a light bulb had gone off.

What he realized scared him, '_oh my god, when did this happen, how could I not have known.' _

He wasn't sure how he was going to handle this, but one thing was for certain.

He was in love with Olivia Benson.


	3. Chapter 3

**I own nothing….**

**Okay, next chapter, and the first change from the original story. I had made Olivia seem very weak in the original, and definitely wanted to change that…**

**Enjoy, Nan**

Lyndonville, Orleans County, New York

They had managed to coexist in the safe house for 5 days without really speaking to each other. They both took great measures to use Eli as a cushion between them, and made it a point to never be alone without him in the room. The truth of it was, Olivia was glad they both were here. Not that she minded being alone, it was just nice to have someone to talk to. She was talking to him, but not about what had happened…she still wasn't sure if she could talk to him about any of it without breaking down. She knew if she kept putting it off he would just assume she had forgiven him, but she couldn't forget. She was almost ready. She would talk to him soon.

Over the 5 days, her injuries had begun to heal. Her bruising was still more purple than green, but she could finally breath normal again. And was glad to not have to smother a wince every time she inhaled. Her head still ached, but aside from that she was feeling much better.

Deciding she was hungry, she turned to go into the kitchen, and walked squarely into Elliot. He wrapped his arm around her lower waist careful to avoid her sore ribs, and quickly balanced her again. They both froze after she was stable, and were startled at the sudden contact.

"Are you okay? I'm so sorry I didn't expect you to turn around like that…honestly let me see…"

Olivia cut him off "umm…"she thought about it for a minute the feel of his arms around her causing a brief moment of distraction, and finally answered truthfully, "actually, I am okay. You didn't hurt me; I just didn't know you were behind me. You scared me is all." She gave him a small smile. "I was going to make some lunch, is there something you would like?"

"Actually that's why I was coming to find you; we are pretty much out of the basics. I was going to see if you wanted to come with us so you could get what you needed."

She looked at him while she chewed on her bottom lip. "Ah sure I would like to go. Let me just grab a sweater and some shoes."

2o minutes later they were walking into a market together.

"Daddy can I get some lucky charms? Please, please!" Eli asked while he practically danced through the door.

"We can check to see if they have them here." He said picking the boy up and placing him in a cart.

After getting everything on the list, they were checking out when the cashier who was a young girl probably still in high school asked if they were new in town.

Olivia immediately tensed, and was mentally listing every escape route out of the store. Elliot, who sensed this, placed his hand on the small of her back as he spoke to the girl.

"Yes we are, we just moved here from Washington. We finally just got settled in." He said with a smile.

"Wow, what brings you all the way out here?" She asked wondering who in their right mind would willingly move to Lyndonville…

"My wife has family near here. Plus we needed a change of pace, and this is perfect."

"Well, welcome to our town, and if you don't mind me saying, you have a beautiful family." The cashier said with a small blush creeping up her neck.

Elliot just smiled at her as he paid, and again placed his hand on Olivia's back and led her out of the store. "You okay?" He whispered close to her ear. He could feel her shaking, and was worried about her.

She drew in a shaky breath before answering, "Yeah, No I am fine" she lied, she wasn't about to tell him she had nearly bolted out of there…

As she was talking, he was putting everything in the car including Eli. Finished, he turned to talk to her but she was already getting in the car. He returned the cart, and moved to the passenger side door. Opening it, he waited until Olivia turned to look at him.

He put his hand on her knee before speaking, "Liv, we are okay here. I promise I won't let anything happen to you or Eli. Okay?"

"Daddy come on, I'm a hungry hippo" Eli giggled effectively halting any further conversation between Elliot and Olivia. Elliot gave her knee one last squeeze before closing the door and climbing in the driver side door.

"Alright, let's get you home and fed, we have to have you back at the zoo in an hour, hippo." He smiled in the rearview mirror looking at his son.

"Livvy, are you sad again? Did daddy make you sad? Did I? You're not gonna leave again are you? We just got here!" He asked barely taking a breath between questions.

She had to laugh, he was so cute sometimes, "I am not sad, hunny, just not feeling very well right now. I need to take a nice long nap when we get back. I could use a nap buddy, want to join me?" She asked jokingly, knowing he hated naps now. He still took them, but he fought every step of the way.

"NOOO way Livvy! I don't take naps anymore, those are for babies…and old people like grandma. Daddy will nap with you, he likes to sleep don't you daddy?"

The suggestion was innocent enough, but it had a blush creeping up Elliot and Olivia's face. Elliot cleared his throat, and kept his mouth shut. He was not about to touch that comment…Instead he shifted the conversation to a show that Eli liked, and just waited for the car ride to end.

Once back at the house, they ate lunch together and then went into the den to watch a movie. Eli had chosen the movie; it was something about a superhero family and a villain. Olivia had a hard time watching it because she was so tired. She looked at Eli who had fallen asleep between them. It was times like these that she wished more than anything she could go back to when this whole mess had happened and tell Elliot the truth. She had survived, and that what was important to her, but she knew Elliot would focus on every detail.

Sighing, she shifted to look at Elliot. She studied his profile, and was as always blown away by his beauty. He could be carved from stone she thought.

Elliot turned to look at her feeling her staring at him and offered her a small smile seeing the embarrassment at being caught looking at him.

"Feel any better Liv?"

"Yeah, I do. I am sorry I overreacted back there…I panicked, it was stupid…" she said looking away from him.

He stood up and took her hand leading her into the kitchen, before speaking to her. "I know I said I would give you time, but can you at least give me an estimate on how long til your ready to talk? I don't really know how to act around you, and I feel like I am a coward for avoiding being alone with you."

Olivia took a step back from him with a huff, "you know this is the problem. You can't just do what someone asks. You push and push to get what you want, but guess what El? You push so hard that they ultimately end up hating you!" She bit off.

"Funny you should say that Olivia because it seems just a couple days ago we stood in this exact spot and you said you could never hate me…was that another one of your lies to 'protect' me?" He said sarcastically.

She couldn't believe he was turning this on her. He was the one who had hurt her. Saying things to her she _should_ hate him for…Had he forgotten that day in the hospital? Maybe that is what she should start with.

"You are unbelievable you know that! How dare you stand there and criticize me for my decisions on what I thought were the right choices to keep everyone safe. I already told you I am sorry for what happened to Eli, I won't apologize again. You know after everything we have been through, I thought you trusted me, but that day at the hospital, you broke all the trust I had in you when you said those things to me. You didn't just push me away Elliot, you flung me away like I was a used tissue. I thought our partnership meant more than that, but obviously not." She made to walk by him, be he grabbed her arm and kept her in place.

"You want to talk about trust? You. Didn't. Tell. ME!" He practically growled at her. "You didn't tell me what was going on. You didn't tell me about the threats, about the restraining order, about the sick presents he would leave for you."

As he was shouting her face paled. How did he know this? Fin? Oh god, he must have told him after the accident about everything.

"I couldn't tell you El…"her voice broke so she took a deep breath to compose herself before continuing. "He didn't just threaten me, he threatened you and Eli. I guess he saw us together somewhere, and assumed we were close enough that you meant a great deal to me. He used that to keep me silent. I told Fin because I was really scared one night and I had to call someone. I tried your number but I couldn't reach you so I tried Fin."

**_Flashback_

_It had been a long day with no new leads in the current case they were working. By the time they had left the precinct, it was nearly 1:30 am. She had opted to walk a couple of blocks and then catch a cab home. She liked to walk sometimes to help her think. She had only gone about 7 blocks before she heard a noise behind her. Her pulse immediately picked up, and she in turn picked up her pace. The scuffling noise behind her also got faster. She reached for her phone and pressed the number 2 for Elliot on speed dial._

"_ugghh come on El, you can't be asleep already! Please come on!" She cried silently. Quickly hanging up she dialed Fin and he answered on the second ring._

"_FIN! I need your help! Please tell me you haven't left the precinct yet?" She rushed out._

"_Hey baby girl what's going on? No, I was just about to leave now why? What happened, where are you?"_

_She almost cried from relief…"I'm down by Ronni G's. Can you come pick me up if I wait in there? I will explain everything to you, just please hurry!"_

"_I will be right there Livia, just hang on."_

_It had only taken Fin 10 minutes to get to her, and she rushed to him and let him wrap her up in his arms as he told her it was going to be okay._

_On the drive back to her apartment, she had told him everything. How he had been leaving her nasty notes for weeks now, and that last week he had begun leaving her disgusting presents outside her door. Some of them ranged from sexual in nature, to dead animals, and while the dead animals did scare her, they didn't even come close to the fear she had felt when she had opened the box and there had been a photo of her taken through her living room window in just a sports bra and boy shorts. After she had told him everything he had urged her to talk to Elliot, and she had said would try. She told him how he been the past couple of weeks, and didn't know when would be a good time to talk to him. Before he checked all the locks, and said goodbye, he told her to call him if she needed anything, and really think about when you're going to tell Elliot. He knew as well as she did that if he found out she had been keeping this a secret, he would lose it. All she had to do now was find a way to tell him…_

_**END Flashback_

The days had flown by, and then turned to weeks, and she still hadn't found the time to tell him. So now here they stood. Facing off in the kitchen of the safe house. Could they never settle anything without an argument?

"It's not that I didn't trust you El, I just never knew what kind of mood you would be in. Sometimes it would have been easier to beat my head against a wall than try to talk to you."

"There were plenty of times you could have told me Olivia, don't give me that bullshit. Let's be honest with each other, you didn't tell me because you thought you could just make the situation just disappear, while you left not only yourself in danger, but my son as well!"

Everything seemed to happen in slow motion after that comment. She watched her hand dart out and connect with his face in a loud slap. She was raising her hand again, but he grabbed her wrist in a none too gentle hold and within a second she was firmly pressed into the pantry door.

"Let's not get greedy Liv, I gave you one, don't think I will give you another." He grated out through clenched teeth. His face stung like a bitch, and he still was reeling from the fact that she had actually hit him. He was lucky to have grabbed her wrist when he did because she was about to strike him again but this time with a fist.

"Let me go." She was trying to twist her arm out his firm grip. His body was connected solidly with hers from the chest down, and any attempts to struggle were futile.

"You want more _time_ to think up lies Olivia, is that it?" He was so close to her face she could feel his breath against her cheek.

"Oh my God!" she said infuriated that he would think she would blatantly lie to him. She never truly lied in as many words, just never told more than she wanted to share.

"Let go of my hand so I can hit you again you son of a bitch! We're not in the precinct anymore, don't think you can bulldoze your way to an answer you want!"

"What's the matter Liv, I hit a nerve? You don't like that I know your MO? You're a runner, who doesn't think of the people they leave behind that are affected by the lies…"

"Back to that? You were the one who said you couldn't work with me anymore, I'm sorry you didn't have to the balls to walk away, but I won't let you punish me anymore for that. I did what I had to do Elliot." She couldn't believe he would bring that up after nearly a year and a half of her working really hard to repair the damage that had been done by her sudden departure. She needed a break, and since he basically said he couldn't trust or work with her anymore, she took that as her cue to get out while she could. It wasn't til she was away that she realized she needed him. He was like oxygen, and for the first month away from him, she felt like she was drowning. She had to learn to depend on only herself, so when she returned to the squad again, she couldn't be hurt by him or anyone for that matter again. Yet here they were...

"Listen very carefully Elliot, because I won't say or apologize for this again! I didn't tell you what was going on because I didn't want to add to the stress you were already under with Kathy leaving, and because you were like a loose cannon. If I told you what was going on you probably would have done something that would have landed you behind bars, and where would that leave you? Or Eli for that matter. You seem to think I planned to get into that accident with your son, and I can't seem to change your mind. So I am done trying, now let go of me!" she broke off the last of it, her anger getting the best of her, but he didn't budge. If anything he pressed closer, and his eyes were so intense she nearly shivered. She thought about kneeing him in the groin if he didn't let her go soon, but another thought came to mind instead.

Sure she wanted to hurt him, but she wanted him to hurt like she was. Thinking quickly, she pressed her hips forward into his and he did exactly as she wanted. He slammed her backwards hard into the pantry door nearly knocking the wind out of her, but she didn't have a chance to catch her breath for the cry of pain she had planned because his lips were on hers. Hard and bruising, they pressed against hers, his tongue and teeth forcing her mouth open. This wasn't what she had planned. She had wanted to distract him and make it seem like he had hurt her, but the truth was she had never felt more alive.

She heard him let out a low growl or a moan, and this time she didn't hold back the shiver that raced from her head to her toes. He still had her wrist in a vice grip, and his other hand was now tangled in her hair. She could feel him hard against her lower stomach, and she had to end this, to get away before she allowed this to continue. Again she pressed her hips forward tightly against his, and this time when he pushed back against her, she cried out in pain.

If Elliot had been electrocuted, she didn't think he would have moved that fast. One minute he was firmly pressing her into the door, and the next, she was sagging almost dropping to the floor from his sudden departure. He looked like he might cry, almost like he couldn't believe what he had done. His breathing was as ragged as hers, and he took a minute to scrub his hands over his face before he looked at her.

She immediately missed his body against hers, but still she wanted him to know what it felt like to have your trust, your faith in someone be completely shredded. _'Do it, twist the knife. He has hurt you worse.'_

"Never took you as one to force yourself on women Elliot…guess we don't know each other very well at all do we?"

She heard his sharp intake of a breath, and knew she had gone too far. Too late. She may have just damaged everything between them beyond repair.

"Liv…I'm sorry…I never…"

She didn't stay to hear the rest of it. When she walked out of the kitchen he let her go and didn't follow her even when he heard the click of the front door.

Olivia shoved her hands in her pocket she grabbed on the way out, and just started walking. This is what she had wanted wasn't it? Why did she feel so bad about it then? She knew without a doubt that Elliot Stabler would never purposely physically hurt a woman, but what she just did had already set the doubt in his mind. She could see it in his eyes when she walked past him. She may have just destroyed the Elliot she had known.

She walked and walked until it was nearly too dark to see. She was startled when an overhead park light buzzed on, and only then did she realize she was in a park. She slowly made her way to a bench by the creek bed, and sank down onto it.

Burying her face in her hands, she did something she rarely did. She cried.

Back at the house, Elliot was going crazy with guilt. Not only had he practically forced himself on her, but he also hurt her. He would never forgive himself. He had completely stopped thinking when she thrust her hips into his, and had foolishly thought she felt the same way about him. He was angry, and he was sure that was what the kiss conveyed. He wasn't easy and gently with her like he thought their first kiss would be. He didn't even know where she was right now. She had been gone for nearly an hour. He should probably go look for her, make sure she was alright anyways. Have Eli with him so she wasn't afraid of him.

They hadn't been driving very long, the town wasn't that big, but while he was looking to one side, he heard Eli shout he had seen her.

He pulled into the nearest space and unbuckled Eli and began to walk toward the bench she was on. The closer they got he was able to tell she was sleeping. Her head was slumped into her lap, and her breathing was slow and deep. He walked in front and set Eli down quietly telling him to shhh while he lifted her head to see if she really was okay. The second he lifted her head, the light caught the dry tear stains on her cheeks, and her eyes looked red and puffy. He was the reason for her being here like this…'_what were you thinking Elliot? Nice job making sure she NEVER trusts you again…'_

"Olivia. Liv baby wake up" He gently shook her, immediately noting the surprised look on her face. He quickly released her, and stood up away from her so he didn't crowd her.

"Come on, Let's get you home, it's freezing out here." He picked up Eli and waited for her to rise up off the bench, and was a little surprised when she reached for Eli when she did.

All Olivia was thinking about was fixing the mess she had made. She took Eli off of him, and set him back on the bench and literally launched herself into Elliot's arms. She wrapped herself tight around him apologizing over and over again.

"I'm sorry EL, I'm so sorry…you didn't hurt me, I'm so sorry." She was nearly crying, and she was panicked that he hadn't returned her hold.

He slowly removed her from him, and looked at her. Here she was apologizing for something that wasn't even her fault…

"Don't say you're sorry to me Liv, you didn't do anything wrong. I understand if you can't trust me anymore, but you have to know I am so so sorry." He finished on a shaky breath.

"I wanted to hurt you Elliot, I knew you would react the way you did, and then once it happened I wanted to take it back, but I left just like you said I do. I couldn't remember how to get back to the house, so I was just waiting here, and you came for me even though I hurt you."

Elliot hadn't heard a single thing after she said she knew he would react that way. She knew he struggled with the rage that ate away at him sometimes, he just didn't think she would ever use it against him…

He didn't even know what to say, so he just took Eli and began walking towards the car. He heard her call out his name and throw another apology at him, but he just kept walking.

"Daddy we leaving 'Livia here?" Eli said sleepily.

Elliot stopped, and thought about it for a second and then continued walking to the car. He buckled Eli in, and looked at Olivia who had moved closer to the car, and was illuminated by the street light.

If you are coming back, let's go, I want to get him to bed." Elliot said with no emotion in his voice. He just wanted to go back to the house and sleep. He was so mad that if they were too close to each other he feared he might actually hurt her.

She sat in the passenger seat for the short ride back, and thought of a million things to say to him. How could she fix this? She ended up just keeping her mouth shut, and silently followed him into the house and upstairs.

While Elliot was laying Eli down, she changed, and waited for Elliot to come out and move to his room. She didn't wait very long, but Elliot didn't even meet her gaze, instead walking quickly to his room.

"El…" She hesitantly reached out to touch his shoulder as he passed her, but he jerked away from her.

"DON'T touch me right now." He said, venom practically dripping with every word. "I wouldn't want to '_hurt'_ you again."

Olivia stared at him, tears in her eyes as he walked away. She expected him to slam the door, but he didn't, and she wanted to scream. She really screwed up this time, and she wasn't sure if anything would ever be the same again.


	4. Chapter 4

**FIRST I WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGIZE FOR THE DELAY IN UPDATING. I SUFFERED A CONCUSSION DURING A PLAYOFF MATCH IN RUGBY AND I CAN ONLY STARE AT THE COMPUTER FOR ABOUT 20 MINUTES BEFORE MY HEAD REALLY STARTS TO HURT. THIS CHAPTER TOOK NEARLY A WEEK TO WRITE…AND I APOLOGIZE IF THERE ARE MANY ERRORS, I WANTED TO GET THE CHAPTER OUT AND DIDN'T PROOF IT AS WELL AS I COULD.**

**~NAN**

**STILL OWN NOTHING…**

**THANKS EVERYONE FOR REVIEWING, ITS MEANS A LOT, AND KEEPS ME MOTIVATED!**

**HERE WE GO:**

'_11:50 PM…I hurt him…'_

'_12:20 AM…how do I even begin to fix this? What have I done?'_

'_3:45 AM…He won't ever forgive me…'_

'_5:16 AM…Maybe I should call Porter and tell him this isn't working…yeah, why not? He already thinks you're a runner…'_

She hadn't slept all night. Her mind had thought it would play a cruel trick and replay over and over again the look in Elliot's eyes when he thought he had hurt her, and when she had touched him in the hallway before bed. It was horrible, and she couldn't blame him if he never spoke to her again.

It was 6:30 in the morning, and she knew nobody else would be awake, so she quickly made the bed and grabbed the phone Porter had given her, and silently made her way downstairs. She could call him and find out if he had gotten any leads on Jesse Cortez, she didn't necessarily have to tell him that she wanted out…she would decide later.

" 'Lo?"

"Po…Dean?" Olivia wasn't certain Porter was on the other end, it didn't really sound like anybody, just really sleepy.

"Benson? What the hell time is it?" He cursed the hour, and was thoroughly pissed that his one day off this week had been shot already.

"I'm so sorry I woke you up, I thought you would be on your way into work Dean. Please, go back to bed, it's not important." She mumbled, embarrassed that she had also managed to piss him off as well.

"No, I'm up now…what's going on? Is everything alright?"

"Umm, geez. Seriously I'm so sorry…I was just calling to see if you had any news. You obviously would have called if you did and I was…"

He cut her off, "What happened Liv? You sound flustered, are you okay?"

'_Tell him, or not tell him? It definitely wasn't healthy for two people who are forced to live together to be at odds like this. He was ready to kill you, just tell him what you did.'_

"I can't do this Dean." It came out as a whisper. She was sure she sounded like a scared little child, but she wasn't afraid of the bad guy…just what she did.

"Liv, I know it's tough to be…"

"No, you don't understand, I ruined everything, and I can't do this. I don't want to be here anymore…please. Just…I don't know, put me somewhere else. Put me somewhere by myself so nobody else gets hurt…" her voice broke on the last of it, and she struggled to calm her breathing. She felt like she was going to have a panic attack.

"Did Stabler hurt you? What the hell happened? If he hurt you I will kill him myself!" He was angry at the thought that Elliot would hurt her, he had known Olivia for a while now, and never had he heard her sound so broken.

"I hurt him Dean. I really messed up, and I don't even think there is a chance for me to fix what I've done…he can't even look at me. He is so mad." She wouldn't cry, but she couldn't hide the quiver in her voice.

On the other end of the phone, Porter sighed. He had never heard Olivia Benson sound this way. It was almost as if all the fight in her was gone…she just didn't care anymore. He couldn't have that, he needed her in the game, needed her sharp and ready to go if something happened. Now was not the time to coddle her, and he was prepared for her to hate him for what he was about to say, but he had to do it.

"Olivia, whatever happened with you and Stabler, you need to get over it. It doesn't matter. All that matters is that you are all safe, and prepared to do what is necessary when the situation arises." He paused because she had gotten so quiet he wondered if he had lost connection or if she had hung up.

That's when he heard it. She was crying, or trying to hide the fact that she was crying by holding the speaker away from her mouth. He knew what everyone thought of him, he knew they all thought he was a selfish ass, but sometimes it was needed. He only hoped she would be able to move on from it.

She finally took a deep breath and took a sip of water to ease the tightness in her throat.

"Yeah no I get it, thanks anyway…let me know if you find anything out." She didn't want to talk anymore, his words hurt, but she knew he was right and that made her more mad than hurt…

"I'm sorry Olivia, really I wish there were something I could do for you, but I can't. I promise to call you as soon as I hear anything." He waited to see if she would say anything, and when she didn't he added, "Whatever happened, I know you will work out. I have never seen two people so in sync with one another, just let it pass…"he was interrupted by his phone signaling an incoming call and quickly said goodbye, so much for his day off…

Needing something, anything to do, Olivia headed upstairs to collect some laundry from the rooms. She hadn't brought much, but pretty much everything she had brought was dirty. She took the basket of clothes into Eli's room and grabbed some of his before returning to the little room off the kitchen. She wasn't going into Elliot's room, not yet.

She was just switching the load from the washer to the dryer when she finally heard noise upstairs. She could hide in here for a while before they thought to look in here she thought. Sighing, she walked out into the kitchen to freshen the pot of coffee she had made an hour ago. She would face him and take whatever he threw at her.

Upstairs, Elliot was cursing the sun. He also hadn't gotten much sleep last night, and was not happy at being awake still. He grumbled the whole way into the bathroom and all through his morning routine…He hoped she had a terrible night as well, this was all her fault anyway.

'_I can't believe she would do that. She made me think I forced myself on her and hurt her…I suppose it is too farfetched that she would actually have feeling for me. I am her partner that's all.'_

Knowing he stalled all he could, he made his way out into the hall holding his breath afraid to make too much noise. He supposed it didn't matter once he passed her open bedroom door and saw that it was empty. Sending up a quick prayer that she hadn't left, he went down the steps and followed the godsend aroma of coffee.

She was there in the kitchen. Standing in the same spot she always did most mornings, looking out the window. There wasn't much to look at, it had finally snowed, but she had seen snow before…

She took a deep breath and turned to face him.

"Hey, coffee's fresh…" She tried, but no response as he just retrieved his mug and poured a cup of coffee. She could apologize a million times and probably not make a dent in the walls he had thrown up overnight.

"Elliot…" she sort of whispered his name, an attempt to hide the tightness in her throat, she just wanted him to look at her. It took a few minutes, but he finally did. She had expected anger or hurt, but she was met with his blank stare and that was somehow worse. She remembered something an old coach used to say to her all the time…_'Olivia, I shout at you because I care, I show emotion because I care…it's when I act indifferent towards you, that's when you should worry, that's when you know I have stopped caring…' _

She pushed the thought away, she would not allow him to quit on her, she would make him care again.

"Please, you don't have to say anything, just listen…_please_." Taking a few steadying breaths she continued. "The things you said to me at the hospital hurt more than anything I can remember you ever doing. I remember thinking you looked like you were going to hit me, and I wished you would have instead of saying those things to me." She saw the look on his face hadn't changed so she trudged on. "You of all people know how much I wanted a family, and you let me spend time with you and your son. You let me fall in love with him…and then you basically tell me I would make a terrible mother." She turned away for a moment, she wasn't going to cry in front of him.

"Do you know what that felt like? It felt like you were taunting me, as if you saying 'Look at my son Liv. Isn't he wonderful? How does it feel to know you will never have this?' And I wanted you to feel how you made me feel. I wanted you to know what it was like having my life, or the illusion of my life shatter all around me."

She walked around the little island in the kitchen to stand in front of him. "I realize I was being childish and selfish, and the only thing I can do is keep telling you how sorry I am, and that if I could I would take it back. You didn't hurt me, I know you Elliot Stabler, and you would never physically harm me, though last night my actions warranted it…I am not asking you to forget it ever happened, but just to not give up on me yet. Please Elliot, I…I can't do this alone. I feel like I'm dying here, and if I lose you, I have nobody." There, she had done it. She put everything out on the table for him to deal with.

It took all his concentration to keep his face passive to everything she was saying. He hadn't known he had hurt her so deeply with his words. He had let his anger get the best of him, and he knew where that got him. Letting out a deep breath he scrubbed his hands over his face. They had both messed up, he only hoped they could get past it. There was only so much of not talking to someone you were forced to live he could take. And to be honest, he hated himself for putting her through everything he had before and during this whole thing. All they both could do was try to fix it.

"My father used to abuse me when I was little…" he didn't look at her, but heard her catch her breath in sympathy. "My mother wouldn't do anything about it because she was basically crazy, and some of the bruises actually came from her. He was a mean man. On my 5th birthday, I had a friend sleep over and we were upstairs playing when he called me downstairs. I tried to ignore him and hoped he would fetch his own fucking beer, but then I heard him on the steps and I knew what would happen. I pushed Jack in the closet just as my dad came through the door with his belt. When my dad got drunk he quit seeing you, he would beat whoever was in front of him and Jack was my best friend and I didn't want my dad to hurt him. I tried to hide the cry of pain at the first lash of the belt, and he swung again. Then again, and again until finally I was just laying on the floor not moving at all, no longer struggling. That's when he heard Jack in the closet crying. I will never forget how fast Jack moved. We were only 5, but Jack ran outside and down the 8 houses to his home, and he never came over again." He suddenly couldn't breathe in the kitchen anymore so he pushed up out of the chair and opening the back door, stepped out on the back deck. He hadn't heard her follow him out, so he started when she spoke.

"Neither of us had a picture perfect childhood Elliot. We can't go back and change it, so why dwell on it?" She wanted to reach out and touch him, so smooth her hand against his cheek, or brush his shoulder, but she was afraid he would say no again. So she just stood there, her arms crossed under her breasts trying to ward off the cold.

" I don't _dwell _ on it. What he was, what he did…that's inside of me. I try so hard to keep my anger in check, but there are times it wins, and…Jesus, I don't want to be like him Liv. I don't want my kid to hate me. I don't want to hurt the people I love, I don't want to hurt you."

"Everybody has something in them they wish they could change El, my father raped my mother, my mother was a terrible drunk. I would give everything I have to have felt loved growing up. But that's over, my parents are dead and so are yours. And if you think for one second that you are anything like your father you are crazy." She regretted her last choice of words after hearing what he said about his mother, but oh well.

"I see the way Eli looks at you, the way he just likes to sit next to you sometimes and copy everything you do. He loves you, he knows you would never hurt him, and like I said before, you wouldn't ever hurt me like that." This time she did touch him, a hand on his arm to turn him to face her. "I am so sorry Elliot. So sorry I made you doubt yourself. You can be a complete ass sometimes, but you also are really sweet too. Just trust yourself. I do…even after I came here and I wanted to hate you for what you said, I was so happy you were coming here because I trust you to keep me safe. Okay?" God she was freezing…she hoped he would come back inside soon.

He studied her a bit. He could see she was freezing, but it felt good to him, refreshing. The cold helped keep him from seeing her pressed against his body and his mouth on hers.

She watched him just as he watched her. She wondered briefly what he was thinking about as she saw his eyes darken with…want. She inhaled sharply as his eyes dropped to her lips, and she drew her bottom lip into her teeth out of habit. She shivered, though she wasn't certain it was from the cold this time, and she held her breath as he moved closer.

"I can't stop thinking about it. Every time I look at you, I'm there," he flung his hand towards the kitchen…

"I know El, and I wish I could go back and change it, I do. I don't think I have ever regretted anything this much." Her voice was low, like a whisper.

He quickly realized they were talking about two different things; she was talking about hurting him, and he was talking about the kiss. He would get them on the same page.

He stepped even closer so that his toes bumped into hers, and when she didn't show any sign of distress or disgust, he gently gripped both of her shoulders. She was holding her breath again, because he was so close now he should be able to feel hers flutter across his cheek. His eyes were locked on hers, blue to brown. His chest was against hers now, and he could feel her nipples through the thin material of both their shirts. He wanted to cup her breasts, to feel the weight of them in his hands, and her nipples taut with arousal not cold.

'_if he doesn't kiss me I may go crazy! He is moving so slowly, but I'm dizzy still…breathe Olivia, Breathe!'_

Just as she expelled the breath she was holding, he shifted so his mouth was pressed to her ear.

"I was talking about the kiss Liv…" It was a whisper, but scratchy and filled with lust he couldn't hide. He didn't understand how he could be furious one minute and nearly be dying from want the next. She will be the death of him…

He heard her breathing change, it was shallow and quick and he wanted to kiss her, he wanted to feel the slant of her mouth under his. He wanted to hear her moan out his name, he wanted…

"Daddy? Livia?"

"Shit!" Elliot nearly jumped six feet in the air, and quickly dropped his arms and turned to his son.

"Daddy it's snowing!" As Eli jumped with excitement he and Olivia both moved back inside.

Elliot quickly took a stand behind the kitchen island to hide his obvious arousal, and listened as his son happily chatted about all the things they could do in the snow.

They weren't really able to further discuss the kiss while Eli was awake, and Elliot knew he would be asleep any second. It didn't matter that they were still in the car, or that he was still in the snow clothes that were slightly damp, his son could sleep through a tornado.

They had driven to the next town over to go to a one stop shopping center and managed to find some snow gear for the three of them. As they were checking out the clerk mentioned a little ski park that had a tow line for tubers so Elliot thought it would be a good place to try. Eli must have gone down that hill a hundred times, and each time he came down, Elliot watched his face light up like it was his first trip down. He had joined Eli for a couple of the rides, but mostly left Eli to try by himself after he insisted he was big enough to do it alone. He stood at the bottom of the hill with Olivia as she sipped some hot tea. They both brushed off the glances from the other parents when they saw Eli's cast…it wasn't like he could do any further damage to the arm anyway, and the kid deserved a little fun.

Olivia chuckled again as Eli came barreling down the hill with a very impressive war cry. He had managed to make some friends, and together they would shout up and down the hill like lunatics. She was glad they were having fun, all of them together, and she was glad that a lot of the weight seemed to be lifted in the whole situation.

"You wanna give it a go?" He hadn't meant to startle her, but she was just off thinking, and she steadied her breathing even as she tried to slow her racing heart.

"Come on Benson, there is even a toddler hill, you won't hurt yourself on it." He was teasing her and she knew it. He wanted her to go down the hill with him, so he could hold onto her…any excuse for his hands to be on her.

She drew up her eyebrow at him, and let out a little puff of air through her nose, "oh sure, dare the cripple to go sledding…are you out of your mind? Ha, one little bump on that thing and I probably _will_ break these stupid ribs…"

"I wasn't daring you, it's not my fault you're too afraid to try." He adjusted his tossil cap while he gave her his best "Stabler stare."

Again she snorted as if to say "as if…" but set her tea down and walked ahead of him to the tow line and the bin of inner tubes.

She looked over her shoulder and mockingly she called out to him, "Coming?"

"Livia you come down the hill?" Olivia gracefully picked him up and was satisfied that her ribs didn't give much of a protest, and with one last look over her shoulder, she sat with Eli on the next tube and headed up the hill.

When Elliot got to the top of the hill, he looked over at Olivia who was smiling smugly, then down the hill. It seemed much bigger from up here, and he wondered if she might actually get hurt going down it. He walked over to her, and bent down to talk to Eli.

"How many times have you been down the hill buddy?"

"Prolly a million times Daddy, maybe they name it after me?" he looked up at his dad hopefully, and Elliot couldn't help but laugh.

"Yeah Eli, they might name it after you, but out of the 'million' times you went down, how many times did you fall out or crash?" he wasn't sure if he had had any crashes, just trying to see if Olivia would be okay going down.

"I the bestest EVER! No crashes!" he exclaimed rather proudly.

"Good, me and Olivia are gonna give it a go, I want you to wait til we get halfway down before you come down okay?"

"Oh man! You gonna love it Livia, its way fun!" He was so excited he could hardly stand still, and he busied himself by dropping in the snow and making a snow angel.

Elliot took the tube from Olivia and set it at the top of the hill. He sat down and then looked over at her.

"Ready?"

She didn't answer, just walked over and sat between his legs as he shifted to get comfortable and make sure she had the most room on the tube incase he fell off.

"Oh god, I haven't done this since I was a little girl, I'm a little nervous…"

"Don't worry, I've got you." He slipped his arms around her waist, and was happy when she placed her gloved palms on his thighs. They sat there like for a minute before Olivia spoke again.

"Um El, I think the way I remember it is that the hill stays, and we have to move…I might be wrong though." She let out a small chuckle, and then a little scream as he scooted the tube over the lip and sent then cruising down the hill. She could hear Elliot in her ear telling her something, but she couldn't make out what he was saying, the wind was rushing past, and she only tightened her hands on his thighs as a response.

Halfway down the hill was a little jump the kids had built, and Elliot had purposely started out as far away from it as they could. They should have made it the whole way down without hitting it, but a rouge sledder crashed into them like it was bumper cars and sent them straight for the jump. Elliot tried to keep his hold on Olivia as they went over it and up in the air. He managed to shift at the last minute so that he could take the fall, and she would be cushioned by him.

He let out a breath of relief and was about to sit up when Eli came crashing into them tube and all. It was like the Three Stooges he thought, but then he saw her. She was face down in the snow with Eli's tube covering her upper body. He could see her body shaking and he immediately thought she was crying. He crawled over to her just as Eli pushed out from the little snow bank at the bottom of the hill and threw the tube off her.

"That was AWESOME!"

"Don't touch her Eli. Liv? Where are you hurt?" he was running his hands over her body checking for injuries when she tried to sit up. "Don't move Liv, just tell me where you hurt baby…"

She couldn't catch her breath, which made it even harder to sit up. She was laughing so hard that no sound was coming out except for the occasional wheeze. She was a mess, snow up her nose and in her mouth and ears, and probably some snot and tears from the wind and laughing on her face. She tried and failed once again at sitting up and ended up flopping back down onto the snow face up this time continuing to laugh. She was holding her stomach as she laughed, and finally managed to croak out between fits that she was fine.

Realizing that she wasn't hurt, Elliot joined in laughing, and they ended the day at the ski park with an old fashioned snow ball fight. Finally declaring a truce, Elliot managed to persuade Eli that it was time to go home by promising him a Hot Coco and some French fries.

So here they were, pulling into the driveway with a sleeping satisfied Eli. Elliot shifted Eli in his arms as he climbed the stairs into the house. Halfway up the steps he turned and spoke to her.

"How about you put on some water for tea and maybe some coffee for me while I put him to bed, and then we can talk." He gave her a sly smile hoping to charm her into making him some coffee.

"Sounds good, I'll just change while the water is heating. Do you need any help?"

He shook his head and started back up the stairs. He wanted to put him in bed as fast as he could so he could continue his earlier conversation with her.

Once changed, Olivia came back downstairs and stretched a little. She wouldn't admit, but the day had exhausted her, and she fought the whole way home to keep her eyes open. Thinking it would be nice to be sitting down for a bit, she brought her tea into the living room and sat down on the sofa to wait for Elliot.

It only took him fifteen minutes to change both Eli and himself, then get Eli into bed, so he was a little surprised to see her passed out on the couch in the living room. He walked passed her first into the kitchen to make sure she hadn't left anything on in there, then shut off the lights as her made his way back to her. She looked exhausted, and come to think to think of it, he was as well. He took the little blanket from the back of the couch and draped it over her before joining her on the opposite end of the couch. He remembers thinking about the kiss again, and that the conversation would have to wait until tomorrow now. He fell asleep almost the minute he closed his eyes, and was happy that even after they had been through since being here, they had gotten one really good day for sure.


	5. Chapter 5

**I own nothing…**

He hadn't meant to fall asleep, but he couldn't say he was disappointed…after all, he was waking up next to her. She had shifted some in her sleep and her feet and lower legs were now stretched out over the entire couch. With himself at the other end, that meant her feet rested in his lap. He really didn't want to move, but just from the couple of hours he had slept on the couch his neck was already protesting the odd angle of rest. If he was this sore, he knew Olivia would be also, so he decided sleeping in beds would be better.

"Liv, Liv wake up." He gently bent her legs and stood up to stretch. She didn't move at all, the day must really have worn her out. He moved a little closer and tried again.

"Olivia, wake up. Come on let's get you upstairs in bed." Still no response, god the woman would normally wake if someone was breathing too loud, but the one time he wanted her awake she wouldn't…

He knelt down on the floor in front of her and brushed some of the hair that fell out of the ponytail she had put up out of her face. He just stared at her for a minute. She really was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her eyes always so full of emotion were closed with long eyelashes that fluttered like butterflies in her sleep. Her perfect lips, god those lips…He had only kissed her once, and he couldn't get them out of his mind. He could wake her up with a kiss, make it romantic like Snow White or Sleeping Beauty, watch as her eyes opened with surprise then desire…and where in the hell had that come from? When had he ever thought like this? He must have it bad, freaking fairytales…

A little rougher than he intended, but his last thought frustrated him a bit, he shook her shoulder and said her name. He expected her to grumble a bit at the interruption, or simply shift to another position. He certainly wasn't expecting a casted hand to the side of his face.

"Let GO of me!" She was breathing as if she had just run a marathon, and she had moved so fast she was now standing on the other side of the couch with a solid barrier between her and…

"Elliot?" She looked at him like he was the last person she expected to see in the house that they were both hiding out in.

"Oh god, let me see. Are you bleeding? Where did I hit you?" She didn't move closer to him, afraid she would do something else to embarrass herself. She couldn't stop the nervous laughter that bubbled out of her. It was kind of like when you see a little kid shoot off the slide and face plant in the dirt and the first thing you do is laugh…great, now she was laughing at little kids falling off slides.

He just sort of glared at her, and moved to turn on the lamp. He swiped his palm over his cheek where it stung, and brought his hand under the light. There was a little bit of blood, probably something that resembled road rash or damned carpet burn.

He turned to face her, and stopped. She was standing there, both hands pressed against her mouth in an effort to stop the laughter. He could get mad, but then that wouldn't get him anywhere, and they had certainly argued enough since arriving here. Instead, he would take the lighter route.

"Oh, you think this is funny do you?" The glare of his eyes was a lot less threatening with his mouth curling up into a smile he couldn't hide.

She moved to flick on another light and then moved to examine his face, giggles still escaping.

"It's probably going to scar…What is that thing made out of anyway, sandpaper?"

"Oh" she took his face in her hands to get a better look.

"You could apologize you know…you did hit me with a damn plaster cast." He huffed out. He was sulking, but seriously, she hit him and she was laughing.

"Oh you poor thing." She spoke to him like she would Eli. She knew he would get annoyed, but she continued. "I'm sorry I hit you, Do you want me to make it better?" she asked, pulling back to look him in the eyes.

He didn't say anything for a couple of seconds, just looked at her. The smile playing at her mouth told him she knew he was being a baby and playing it up.

"Yes, I do want you to make it better." He sort of liked this banter, maybe it even classified as flirting a bit.

She gave a small chuckle, and a wicked grin crossed her face. "I think there is some peroxide upstairs in the bathroom, that should fix it right up." She tried to be serious but failed miserably. She would have succeeded if his face hadn't paled at the suggestion.

"You wouldn't?" it was a warning, if anything showed how much of a baby Elliot Stabler really was when it came to his injuries, it was peroxide. It was like his personal kryptonite.

She laughed again, then sort of got a serious look on her face. "I suppose I could do with you what I do to Eli."

"Yes, aren't you women supposed to be programmed to kiss away pain?" it was a joke, but his mind flashed back to the kitchen with his body pressed against hers, and his mouth claiming her. He held his breath in wait of her response.

She leaned forward and lightly placed her lips against his cheek. Just to the side of the small cut.

"Better?" She tipped her head back to see him.

He cleared his throat a bit, and pointed to a spot that was slightly red, and a little lower on his cheek. "And here."

Again, she obliged, this time pressing her lips a little firmer and lingering a little longer.

"Better?" She breathed the word, almost a whisper. The thumb of her non-casted hand was slowly stroking his cheek.

"Mmmm, you know I think I bit my lip earlier on the sled…it probably would feel better too with a kiss." He was pushing it and he knew it, but her lips were so soft, and he wanted to feel them on his again.

"Hmm, well, we wouldn't want you to have a sore lip would we?"

She once again leaned up towards him, and pressed her lips softly against the corner of his mouth. They both kept their eyes open, both judging each other's response.

"You missed." He didn't give her a chance to fully retreat this time, and he slanted his lips against hers.

It was different. He could feel her nerves in the trembling of her hands, and tension of her body. How could someone react so differently to the same person. She had practically melted against him yesterday, and today…well, she wasn't. He pulled back.

"I'm sorry, that was out of line. I didn't think…" he stammered, trying to quickly diffuse the situation.

Instead of retreating like her head screamed at her to do, Olivia looked up at him and studied him. This was something she wanted, had wanted for a very long time. She just wasn't sure now was the best time to jump into something like this.

"What are we doing El?" she hated how weak her voice sounded, but she lifted her chin in a stubborn stance and looked at him for an answer.

He wasn't sure what she wanted him to say. He let out a breath almost in a frustrated huff…why couldn't things ever be simple with them? Everything was always such a battle and had to discussed and picked over until there was nothing left but anger and resentment, and then they had to start all over. For once he wished he could just have a life like the movies. _'Cute single father meets sexy workaholic woman. They instantly fall in love, she leaves her career behind to start her happy ever after with him, and they get married in front of a fountain and live happily ever after…fade to a snapshot two years later of their family Christmas photo with their two new additions, and a cheesy love song floating in the background…'_ NEVER gonna happen, at least not for them.

"I honestly have no idea Olivia." He scrubbed his hands over his face and walked over to the window facing the back yard. "I've got these feelings for you, feelings that I guess…" he huffed out another breath, "I guess I'm just tired of fighting them. If I misread the signs I apologize, we could just chalk this up to me going crazy while we are stuck here." He tried a laugh, but it came out more like a defeated acceptance.

"You sound like you're annoyed that you have _feelings_ for me. Like you don't really want to have them." She was next to him again, waiting him out.

"I do want them, but not if you don't want them, or don't have them towards me." He turned to face her, and took her shoulders. "I told you yesterday, I don't want to hurt you…I just, you know what? Let's just forget it." He dropped his hands and stepped back, clicking the light off as he did. "It's late, we should get to bed." He was already at the bottom of the stairs, only thinking about making an escape from the awkward situation he had created.

" 'night Liv." He threw a fake yawn her way and tried not to think about how she looked just then.

"El?" She needed to see his face, needed to know if he was serious about forgetting it all. That was the last thing she wanted. She wasn't trying to give him mixed signals, she just didn't want to make another mistake with him. She didn't think either of them would survive…

He didn't move, just kept his back to her and stood on the landing of the steps.

"What if I don't want to forget about it?" Her voice was a whisper, and if he hadn't been listening closely, he wouldn't have heard. She waited for him to turn around before she continued.

"I guess I have these _feelings _for you as well." She gave him a small smile, making it sound like her feelings for him were also an inconvenience.

"_Liv"_ He took her face in his hands and rested his forehead against hers. He just closed his eyes and breathed a sigh of relief before once again sealing his lips to hers. It wasn't rushed or angry or feather light and dreamy…it just _was._ Somehow this kiss was more than all those feelings. It was the beginning to something for them.

When Olivia's legs grew weak with want, she shifted her head slightly so that his lips grazed his cheeks. She was happy and nervous as well.

"So we're actually doing this?" She searched his eyes for any doubt, hoping his eyes reflected the same as hers.

His answer was a light peck on the lips. He took her hand in his and led them both upstairs. He wanted to hold her tonight, he wanted her to ask him to stay with her tonight…he just wanted her.

Once again he brushed her hair back and placed a kiss on her cheek. He stood back to look at her, and she couldn't help but smile at the goofy grin she saw on his face.

" 'Night El." She opened the door to her bedroom and stepped through, silently wishing he would follow her. He didn't, and she was okay with that. She softly closed the door and was glad that tonight she didn't have to feel guilty in the morning for dreaming about him tonight.

"_Higher Livvy, higher!" Eli squealed from the swing Olivia was pushing him on._

"_Any higher buddy and you will shoot up into the sky!" _

_Elliot watched his partner with his son. It was times like this that he was truly blessed to have her in his life. He was starting to deal with his feelings for her in his own way. Probably not the right way, but at least he had realized that he wanted more from her…_

"_Daddy, Daddy! Look at me, Daddy! Ima spaceman!" Eli shouted as Olivia continued to push him on the swing. It was times like these that she loved the most. She felt like their family when they were together like this. She almost could imagine Sundays in the park as his wife, with maybe one or two more kids running around with Eli. She loved them both so much, but she wouldn't ever act on her feelings…she couldn't stand to lose them both._

_Having enough of the swings, Eli jumped off of the swing while it was still swinging, and Elliot and Olivia both held their breath as he shot off the swing and landed with catlike grace before running over to his father._

"_Eli, what did I tell you about that? Remember the little girl who was here with us and jumped off the swing?" Elliot asked with a stern look on his face. He had spoken to his son countless times about doing as he was told, but Eli was proving to be all Elliot, with very little Kathy in him._

"_I won't ever break my arm daddy. I have super powers…" Eli said as he hopped into Elliot's lap._

_Elliot sighed before wrapping his arms around his son. He looked past his sons head toward the swings where he had last seen Olivia. She wasn't there. He felt a moments panic, something was wrong; she had joined them right away that day at the park. Where was she? _

"_Liv!" he called out, but suddenly the sky was dark, the wind had picked up, and it was only Elliot in the park._

"_Olivia! Where are you?" He ran towards the swings where he had last seen her, and as he got to the set the sky opened up and a cold hard rain poured down. He shouted over and over again for her, but still couldn't find her. Where was she?_

_He was running towards the woods when he heard it. A high pitched scream of pain and fear._

"_EEELLLLLLL!" _

_He took off in the direction of the scream praying she was playing an awful trick on him. _

"_NO please, STOP. Elliot help me!"_

_Wait, that time the shouting was coming from the opposite direction. What the hell was going on, he HAS to find her._

"_Liv, please tell me where you are, LIV!" he shouted one last time before the entire park went pitch black._

Elliot shot up out of bed and was halfway to her room before he realized he was no longer dreaming. With ice cold fear still running through his veins, he pushed open Olivia's bedroom door and found her exactly as he had left her. Sleeping peacefully, her face flushed with the health of a much needed deep sleep.

He stayed where he was and just watched her sleep. The urge to slip into bed beside her and hold her close was overwhelming. He was gently pulling the covers back when she stirred.

"El" she murmured without opening his eyes.

He froze as if he was a kid who had just been caught stealing a cookie.

"Hey, I didn't mean to wake you, go back to sleep Liv." He whispered as he moved to pull the cover back up.

"Are you joining me for a nap El?" she asked with a small smile playing at her lips and her still closed eyes.

"Uhh, I mean, would that be okay? I don't want to rush you Liv…" he said nervously.

"Rush me…El…shut up and get in bed before I fully wake up." Shifting onto her side she waited until he slid into the bed alongside her.

He let out a huge sigh of relief at finally having her in his arms after his dream.

When he laid his arm low on her stomach to avoid her ribs, she felt his slight tremble.

"El, what is it? Are you okay?"

" Yeah, I'm fine…just had a crazy dream well nightmare I guess, and just wanted to see you. To be with you…" He pulled her close and they linked hands which she brought up to her lips and kissed before tucking them against her again.

"I'm right here, right here El."

He brushed his lips against the back of her neck still marveling at the newness of this intimacy, and whispered he loved her before they both drifted back to sleep.

The first thing that Olivia noticed was that someone was in bed with her. Well, two someone's were in bed with her…She peeked out through her lashes not really afraid of who she would find, but more curious of the feeling.

Elliot was a larger man, but could his arms really surround her this completely? She felt as if she were being flanked on both sides, but the front was definitely shorter.

Smiling, she opened her eyes fully to press a soft kiss to Eli's downy cap of blond hair. She hadn't even woken up when he had slipped into bed with them. She must have been truly exhausted, because a shift in the air pressure could wake her sometimes…

'_This is what I want.' _She thought to herself…'_to wake up to this every morning would be perfect. I love them both so much…'_

Behind her, Elliot shifted closer to her nuzzling into the warmth of her body, and sensed she was awake. Resting his chin on her shoulder, he ran his hand over his son's hair, and waited for him to stir.

"Wake up buddy" Elliot said, moving his hand to tickle his side.

Not wanting to move, Eli burrowed further into Olivia, suppressing a giggle at his father's hand.

After a few more seconds of tickling, Eli finally gave in and burst into fits of laughter. Olivia had joined in, and was laughing herself at the childlike abandonment of his laughter. The sound was music, it was beautiful and precious.

"Okay, Okay! I'm up! Please, stop" Eli managed to squeeze out between his giggles.

"Oh, Elliot he is awake, I guess we can stop now…but just to be sure…" Olivia said with a grin as she quickly tickled him once again. Eli hopped out of the bed trying to escape the tickling attack.

"You can't reach me, You gotsa find me now, I'm the bestest hider in the whole world!" With that, he fled from the room to hide.

Olivia sat up to find him, but Elliot gripped her arm, and tugged gently until she plopped back against the pillows, face flushed from laughing, staring up into his eyes.

'_How is it that every time I look into his eyes, they look different? I could stare into his eyes forever…I see my past, present and future in his eyes…' _She had a brief moment of panic at the intensity of his gaze, and was about to turn away when he griped her chin in his hand.

Very slowly and very deliberately, he lowered his mouth so that it hovered a breath away from hers. She knew what he was doing, he was giving her an out…as if she had changed her mind. Eyes locked on his, she lifted her mouth to meet his to erase any doubts he might have. He heard her sigh at the contact. His hand lowered to the smoothness of her neck and felt her pulse beat against his fingers, but was in no rush to increase the pressure of his lips on hers.

Wanting more, she took the initiative and with a soft moan, her lips parted allowing his tongue entrance. The kiss was so tender it nearly made her cry. There had always been passion and anger in their partnership, but never this…this mindless pleasure was new and she craved more.

He gently sucked her full bottom lip into his mouth nipping with his teeth stopping just short of pain. His tongue quickly soothed and replaced his nipping teeth. Finally overcome with the kiss she let her head fall back allowing him complete control. He let his lips brush hers once more when he heard a sound in the doorway.

"You won't find me if you are still…" Eli didn't finish his sentence because he was shocked at the sight before him

"Daddy? Livvy?" he asked in a small voice. "What are you doing?"

Elliot jumped off the bed like he had been shocked. He hadn't even thought about Eli reacting badly to his decision to move forward with Olivia. He didn't think he could fake his way through this, so he looked at his son prepared to defend himself. However the question that popped out of his mouth was not at all expected.

"Daddy are you and Livvy making a baby?" he asked with the innocence only a child could muster.

Olivia nearly choked. She burst into a fit of coughs and laughter at his question, and tried to quiet when she saw the look Elliot was shooting her.

"Eli, where on earth did you hear that?" Elliot asked still completely shocked.

"Jacks mommy and daddy did that, and then Kelsie was born." Suddenly a thought occurred to Eli, and his eyes lit up and he jumped up in bed with Olivia. "Are you and daddy gonna get married? Are you gonna bring me a baby?!" He was practically bouncing on the bed with excitement.

Not sure what to say, Olivia let Elliot answer.

Rubbing a hand over his face and taking a deep breath, Elliot finally answered. "Eli, Liv and I are not making a baby…We were kissing. It is a way adults show each other that they care about each other. Does it bother you that we kiss?"

Honestly thinking about it, Eli shook his head and rubbed a hand over Olivia's stomach. " Can I kiss you Livvy? Are you sure there isn't a baby in here?" He asked hopefully.

She laughed, and pulled him up onto her lap. "Eli there is definitely not a baby in here…and I love your kisses. Come here cutie!" she tipped his face up to hers and placed a beg sloppy kiss to his cheek, before placing a motherly kiss to his mouth ending with a loud smack of her lips. Getting the reaction she had hoped for, she nudged him towards the edge of the bed, and joined him on the floor.

Elliot didn't know whether to laugh or scream at the absurdity of the situation, so instead he tried to change the subject quickly.

"What do you guys say to pancakes? I am so hungry I could eat a horse! Eli, why don't you go get dressed and come downstairs so we can show Olivia how to make a 'StablerCake'."

After Eli had bounded out of the room, Elliot moved to stand in front of her. "You okay?" he asked, not able to hide the laughter in his voice.

Not saying anything, she pressed her face into his chest and burst into laughter…

**Sorry the updates are sporadic…I had originally intended to upload a chapter a week and then this stupid concussion…anyway, I hope you are still enjoying the story, and PLEASE review! Let me know what you like, didn't like, would like to see…anything! **

**Thanks and Happy Holidays,**

**Nan**


	6. Chapter 6

**Still own nothing…**

**This chapter is a little long…but certainly not boring!**

**ENJOY!**

Olivia stomped off the snow on her boots as she climbed the front steps to the house. She was exhausted. It had been a week since she had been cleared and given a job in the local post office. They had worked hard at prepping Eli with his new last name Hartwell, and had decided it would be best to keep their given first names. The final weeks of November had flown by, and now it was 15 days until Christmas. She was grateful for something to do. Sitting in the house all day was driving her insane. It didn't matter that Elliot and Eli were there with her to keep her company and force her to do things that would keep her mind off of Jesse Cortez. She was surprised that since she had been in Witness Protection she had only had 2 nightmares. Both times Elliot had been there to wake her up and calm her down.

She flexed her wrist against the dull ache as she bent to unlace her boots. She had just gotten the cast off after an insane 8 hour shift at the post office. People were rushing to send gifts and trying to haggle over shipping costs. It was an easy enough job she supposed, and again she was grateful for the distraction, but she quickly found out that the post office was for some strange reason a town hub for gossip. In the week since she has been working, she had quickly figured out that it was easier to duck into the back when the heavy gossip started and to deflect personal questions. She talked and interacted just enough with the towns people to not be perceived as a bitch. She just wanted to blend in, and staying out of the gossip ring helped.

Eli had been accepted into a pre-k program that was less than a 5 minute walk from the house. Since Elliot had been assigned a job at the only bar in town as a new bartender and his hours were late evening early morning, Olivia was the one that got to walk Eli to school every day. She liked walking with him and practicing counting and saying the alphabet and silly rhymes she remembered her own mother telling her when she wasn't in one of her drunken stupors. It had taken a couple of days of building up to full days at the school with Eli. The first day she had taken him to school, he had nearly hyperventilated and she had to take him back outside to calm him down.

"Sweetheart, Calm down." She had dropped to her haunches and pulled him into her, not that he had put up a fight at the motion; he had nearly knocked her backwards into the snow.

"Eli, you need to calm down." She rubbed at his back and repeated her previous statement. He was more worked up than she had ever seen him, and she was worried that maybe he just wasn't emotionally ready to do his. With the car accident, her leaving, and the move, he had a lot to deal with for such a young boy.

"What if the bad guy comes Livia?" He sniffled, and pulled back a bit to look at her seriously, as if he thought she hadn't already thought of that.

She gave him a small smile, and reached into her pocket for the tissues she had stuffed into them earlier. "Honey, right now the bad guy doesn't know where we are. You will be safe here at school, I promise." She gently wiped at his tears, and prompted him to blow his nose before standing up again. He had stopped crying at least, she didn't want his cheeks to get chapped.

"I miss you and daddy Livia, don't leave." He made a move like he was going to plaster himself against her again but she reached out and took his shoulders.

"I'm not just _leaving _ you here, this is how school works. You said you wanted to go to school last night, I can't come to school with you." She was trying to be patient with him, she understood really, but she honestly hadn't thought he would react this severely.

"What if I need you?" He was standing looking up at her with those eyes just like his fathers, and she fought a sudden urge to bundle him up and keep him at home with her. He needed to be in school though, he needed to be around other little kids.

"You still have my necklace right?" She knew he did, he hadn't taken it off since she had seen him again. At his nod, she continued. "If you need me, or miss me, you can hold the necklace just like I told you before. It still works, okay?"

Asking if he was ready one last time, she held her hand out for him to take. The feeling of his hand in hers was still awesome and thrilling to her. She thought it was funny that when he was holding her hand, he wasn't just holding, he was trusting her and loving her. He had gotten better every day, and now she barely managed to squeeze a hug and kiss out of him before he ran inside to play.

She took her boots inside with her and left them on the rack by the door. It was later than she normally got home nearly 7:30. She smelled something delicious from the kitchen and shrugging out of her coat, she made her way there. Elliot was talking to Eli, helping him choose the best color to make the car he was currently coloring. She stood just outside of the kitchen watching them silently. Everything was so normal somehow.

She finally walked into the room and made her way over to them. She ran her fingers over Eli's head, and reached out for the glass of wine Elliot had sitting out. Taking a sip, she raised her eyebrows in question at the wine. He wasn't one to willingly drink wine when there was beer.

He laughed quickly at her questioning look, and moved to the oven to pull out a covered baking dish. He listened as she chatted with Eli about his day, and patiently waited as he inspected her freshly uncasted arm.

"It looks funny." He had hold of her thumb and was lifting her arm up to look at it and running his hand over the soft skin.

"It will look normal soon enough. Yours comes off in a couple more weeks, yours will look funny too." She joked.

"Eli, it's time to clean up. Put away that stuff then go wash your hands." He waited as he did so, and then moved closer to Olivia when Eli was charging up the stairs to put everything away and wash up.

His arms snaked around her, and he pressed a kiss into her neck. She turned to face him and instantly his lips were on hers. He buried his hands in her hair and lost himself in her. When she sighed at first contact, he tipped her head back and took more. When he swallowed her soft moan, he moved his hands to her back then down to cup the backs of her thighs and boost her onto the counter, all the while never breaking the kiss.

The feel of his hands on her legs sent a shot of lust straight through her, and her nipples tightened in response, her sex pulsed with need. God she craved this. Loved the feel of him against her, and his hands, oh god his hands. They were currently inching their way up her torso under her sweater. Each inch his fingers gained burned from his touch, and she shuddered at the thought that in a few short inches he would reach her aching breasts. She was dying. She _loved_ it.

She inwardly cursed the agreement that they would take things slow. They both agreed they had to rebuild their fractured relationship as friends and partners, and adding anything else at the moment would be too much. They wanted this to work, needed it to. It wasn't as if they didn't do anything, it was mostly just rushed kisses and some heavy petting when they had the alone time. With a 4 year old and their work schedules, that was proving to be very little.

The feel of his thumb brushing the underside of her breast pulled another moan from her, and she arched her back offering him more. She ran her hands over his hair, down his back and up again slipping under the shirt he had on. She loved his back. Loved the raw muscle she found there, always bunched with tension, and perfect for raking her nails down. She slid her hands back down his back and continued until they entered the back pockets of his jeans he had on. She knew it drove him crazy when she touched him, so she gripped his ass pulled and him closer to her. She rocked her hips slightly at the searing pleasure that spread through her core, and marveled at the pounding of her blood in her head. Elliot fully cupped her breasts and she thought she might actually come just from this. She gave him everything, even as the pounding got louder until she realized it was Eli coming down the stairs.

Her body tensed, and she moved her hands to his chest pushing back while she turned her head away from his drugging lips. She waited for him to look at her, for the lust to clear from his eyes.

"Eli is coming down to wash his hands." Her throat was tight with desire, and she swiped the back of her hand against her mouth as she slid down off the counter. They heard Eli say something about no soap upstairs before he went into the small bathroom downstairs. She went to move past him, but he moved into her again and just pulled her into a hug resting his head on top of hers.

"I missed you, waited to kiss you like that all day Liv." He was rubbing small circles on her back, willing both of their heartbeats to return to normal. "Your appointment go okay?"

She nodded against his chest, and squeezed him tighter briefly before stepping out of his hold. She didn't want to have another awkward conversation with Eli, so she always tried to keep her distance from Elliot when he was in the room.

"He won't care if he sees us together Liv, you know that right?" He moved to place the pot roast on the table, and gestured to the wine silently asking her if she wanted some.

"What's with the wine? We couldn't have run out of beer already." She finished setting the table before grabbing a glass from the rack and holding it for him to pour her some.

"Just thought it would go better with dinner." He shrugged, then turned as Eli came back into the room. "Put em up." He asked of his son to see if he had passed the clean inspection.

They ate and listened as Eli filled Olivia in on everything that had happened at school, including how some little boy had accidently swallowed a glob of paste. How on earth someone could _ accidently _ swallow glue was beyond her, but she let him ramble on.

Once dinner was finished, Olivia led Eli upstairs to get him ready for a bath.

"Daddy you tuck me in tonight?"

Elliot helped him get his t-shirt off and slip the waterproof cover over his cast, while Olivia got the water started.

"No buddy, I have to work tonight. If you want though, we can lay in bed before I leave, and I can read a story to you." He lifted Eli up and set him in the tub placing a quick kiss to his head. He missed nights with his son, his schedule permitted Sunday and Monday nights to be with him.

After reading to him, they left Eli to play and made their way downstairs. He pulled on his jacket and grabbed his keys off the hook.

"Okay, tonight's a late night. I probably won't be home until after 2." Slipping on his boots, he turned to look at her. She was leaning up against the wall with her arms crossed and her head tilted back. She had a small smile on her face and a glint in her eyes.

"What?" He had an answering goofy smile on his face. In the past couple of weeks, this had become his life. His life was strangely more normal now than it had been two short months ago.

She gave a chuckle, and straightened moving towards him. She took his scarf off the hook and wrapped it around his neck loosely. Then using the ends of it, she pulled him towards her until his lips were a whisper away from hers.

"Have a good night." She stepped back coyly without kissing him, and watched him. Sometimes it was funny to tease and joke with him. He was more intense and almost rough with her when she did it. She liked it that way, his hands claiming her, his mouth demanding everything. She knew how to handle rough and hard and fast. It was when he was gentle with her that scared her. He could coax emotions out of her she wasn't ready for, and so more often than not she was instigating him.

He certainly didn't disappoint this time. Her breath came out in a whoosh as he yanked her back towards him and she collided against his chest. Before she could even suck in another breath he had fisted her hair in his hands and pulled her head back so he could seal his lips over hers. He had trapped her arms between them and left her no choice but to accept. She didn't fight him, she went with him. Everything around them melted away until it was only them.

He knew what she was doing. She always did this. Put up a front so she didn't have to deal with real emotions. He happily obliged her for the time being, but that was about to change. He just needed to find the time off to put his plan into action. The first night they had innocently slept together he had whispered he loved her, but she couldn't have heard him because she didn't tense up, and in the morning she was still in the bed wrapped in his arms. Things would change again soon.

Deciding to stop before he couldn't, he pulled back and lightened his grip so he was gently massaging her neck.

"See ya later babe." He pressed a quick kiss to her brow and turned to leave.

She watched as he walked down the sidewalk, then turned to head back into the kitchen to finish cleaning up.

Something had woken her up. She wasn't sure what it was. Maybe Elliot? It was early still, barely midnight. He wouldn't be home for a couple more hours still.

There it was, the noise that woke her. It was someone at the door. She grabbed her sweater and her gun. She wondered who would be at the door this late, and praying it was only a unlucky traveler, she flipped the outside light on. She briefly thought about calling Elliot, he would probably not be happy she was opening the door to complete strangers but she could take care of herself. Or the gun would.

"Open the door Olivia."

Well whoever was on the other side new her name. It definitely wasn't Elliot. She hesitated behind the door, wishing their front door had a glass panel in it so she could see out it.

"God damnit Olivia, if you had answered you damn phone, you would have known I was coming."

It was Dean. Shit, she had left her phone in the car when she went into the doctors, and had completely forgotten about it. She shut off the light again and quickly opened the door, an icy fear gripping her. It was bad whatever it was. She could see it in his face, the grim line of his mouth and the steely light of his eyes.

"Where the hell is your phone, and why didn't you answer it? I've been trying to call you all afternoon." He stormed his way into the living room melting snow from his boots puddling after him. "What the hell are you doing answering the door anyway, where's Stabler?"

"Which question would you like me to answer first? Or are you not done?" She shot him a look, arms crossed and practically pinning him to the sofa with her glare.

"Elliot is at work, I forgot my phone in the car so that would be the reason I didn't answer it." She wanted to still be angry, but she also wanted answers. Why the hell was he here.

"What's going on Dean?" She sat down in the opposite chair, hoping for good news, but expecting the worst.

"We received a tip in the mail concerning Jesse Cortez' whereabouts. He was hiding out in an abandoned school near Jersey. The tip said he had overdosed and that the body would be found at the given address. " Dean paused taking in the hopeful look on Olivia's face. He wished it was good news…

"When we got to the school, the body we had found was, well it was completely unrecognizable. We suspect whoever sent us the tip burned the body as well. Because the body was so destroyed, it took longer to find out if it really was Cortez."

"So who was it? Obviously it wasn't him, or you wouldn't be here right now…" Olivia huffed out, anxious to find out where he was going with this.

"The body was your landlord Olivia. He tortured him for at least 2 days before Cortez finally killed him."

Olivia tried to hide the shock on her face. Her landlord had a family, kids, a wife. He didn't know anything about where she was or what had happened. An innocent person had been killed because of her.

"I know that's not anything you want to hear, but the reason I am here is because of what the crime scene investigators found. When I first got to the scene it was afternoon, and the sun was blaring through a shattered window. We only saw the blood splatter near the body. When CSI got there, they black lighted the room, and found a message written in blood that had been washed off the wall before the body had been burned. " He pulled out a photo with the message written on it and handed it to Olivia.

'_You will burn in Hell Olivia. Lying whores deserve everything they get. I will find everyone you love and destroy them. I am getting closer bitch, can you feel me?'_

She wanted to scream. She wanted to cry…she wanted to find this bastard, and kill him herself. How dare he make her feel like this? So helpless and dependent on everyone around her. Standing up, she tossed the photo onto the floor and stormed out onto the front porch.

He waited a few minutes before following her. Dean found Olivia standing near the railing with her head hung low, and her shoulders slumped. Approaching her, he spoke her name and reached out to put his hand on her shoulder. He barely touched her when she gasped and spun around quickly wiping her eyes and standing rigid before him.

"I'm sorry Olivia. I wish I were here under different terms…"

"I can't keep doing this. How do people last years in Witness Protection?" she said, pushing her hair back furious at the whole situation. "Just tell me why. Why is this happening to me, to US? I did my job, I put a horrible man away. Why aren't they doing their job, and getting this creep off the street?" she hissed, near tears again.

"Liv, there is nothing more that myself and the other squads on this case can do. Everyone is working their asses off trying to find him. You just have to be patient, no matter how much you hate it. I know this is hard for you, putting control into someone else's hands, but for now that is all you can do. Believe me when I say this is not permanent Liv, I will not stop until I have this guy. Understood?" He asked taking her chin in his hand to force her to look at him.

'_I wish she looked at me the way she looks at him…I should have fought for you Olivia.'_ He thought as he stared into her tortured eyes.

Elliot had closed early tonight. A snow storm was moving in, and everyone wanted to be home safe before it hit. He came up to the cross street, and noticed two people on his front porch. His first instinct was to run over there, but he relaxed a bit as the figures came into focus. Olivia and _fucking_ Porter. He wasn't close enough to hear the conversation, but he was able to see that Porter had his hands on her.

"I'm sorry Dean…you're right, I can't stand to not be in control. I didn't mean to make it seem like you weren't doing your job. I'm just so…just, so frustrated. It's only Elliot and Eli that I have. I just need someone to talk to that isn't completely engrossed in this damn case." She said, searching his eyes for answers she knew were not there. Just wanting to end the conversation, Olivia took a deep breath and looked away from him out into the front yard. She thought she saw someone across the street, but blamed it on a trick of the light. No one in this town would be up now.

"I appreciate you coming out to tell me this Dean. I know you could have just told me over the phone, but having you here in person to deliver the news, means a lot." She stood up on her toes to lightly brush her lips over the corner of his mouth. Whispering a thank you as she came back down. It was a brotherly kiss, nothing more.

"I am here if you want to talk Olivia. I will call you if I get any more news." His hand brushed down her arm before he took a step back, "Tell Elliot goodnight..."

When she closed the front door, she made a quick sweep of the lower level of the house checking the doors and windows, before climbing the stairs to her room. She peeked into Eli's room and seeing he was awake, she walked over to his bed. She felt bad for waking him, she must have shut the door harder than she thought. He looked at her and reached his arms out to her. He loved to cuddle, and she could desperately use a cuddle right now.

Without saying a word, she lay down next to him, and pulled him into her arms. She nuzzled her nose into his neck, fresh from the bath Elliot had made him take. Like she hoped he giggled, and turned to face her before throwing his casted arm over her side.

"Are you gonna sleep with me Livvy? You're pretty cold, were you outside?"

"I'm not sleeping with you tonight buddy, I just wanted to hold you for a little bit. Do you mind?" she asked as she looked into the same eyes as his father.

"No, can you stay til I fall asleep? I miss my old bed. The one I got to build, I want to go home Livvy." He said getting serious, and yawning.

She pulled him closer and rubbed gentle circles on his back.

"Me too buddy, me too…" she continued to rub his back until she heard his breathing even out. Waiting a few more minutes to make sure he wouldn't wake up when she left, she quietly slipped out his room and down the hall to her room.

She jumped a bit when she saw Elliot by the window looking out. He was home early. She walked over to him intending to wrap her arms around his middle and press her face into his back, but he moved away at her first touch. Stepping back in shock, Olivia stared at the back of his head, wondering what she had done now.

"El? Are you alright?" she asked, thinking over everything that had happened since this afternoon.

"Is something wrong?" She tried again, she had no clue what was wrong with him.

Elliot let out a dark laugh and spun to face her.

"I don't know Olivia. _DID _you do something?" He asked accusingly.

"You know what Elliot, if you are going to act like a child, then get out. I'm too tired to deal with you right now…" she said turning to go into the bathroom and get ready for bed again.

She barely took two steps before she found herself spun none too gently and pressed into the bathroom door.

"Too tired to deal with me? Screw you Liv, I saw you on the porch with Porter. What the hell was that?" He shouted. Anger rolling off him.

Olivia didn't even try to hide the complete shock on her face.

"What is it you think you saw Elliot? Oh my God, you think I was out there alone with him what, trying to force myself on him?" She shoved him back hard gaining the opportunity to move from his grasp for a moment.

"You son of a bitch. I don't believe this! " she paced away from him only to be caught again and spun around this time hitting the solid mass of his chest. This close to him, she was forced to arch her back and tilt her neck to look him in the eyes.

"Are you going to deny what I saw? You kissed him. He had his hands all over you!" he said giving her a shake to drive his statement home.

"You have no clue what you saw. I kissed him like I would kiss Cragen for heaven sakes! He was trying to comfort me. I don't know what you _think_ you saw, but I am telling you that's all it was." She said almost letting her voice crack.

"Let me go Elliot." She whispered, looking at his chest, unable to look in his eyes for fear she might burst into tears. "Please."

When he didn't let her go, she did just that. She moved so that her head was pressed tightly into his chest and just let the tears come. She cried for Eli, and the boys that had been Cortez' victims. She cried for Elliot and his ruined apartment and her landlord. But mostly, she cried for herself. For everything she was forced to do since this whole ordeal had started.

Not sure what to do, he did the only thing that made sense to him. Lifting her into his arms, he just kept repeating he was sorry and he didn't mean it to her as he sat with her in his lap on the bed.

She finally calmed enough to stop, and slightly embarrassed, she looked pulled back to look him in the eyes.

"Whatever you think you saw, it wasn't like that. I don't have any feelings for him Elliot. I never really did." She said wiping away a stray tear and standing in front of him. "It's only ever been you. I know I don't always show it, but if you already doubt that, then I'm not sure why we are wasting our time." She sniffed out. "I told you I'm no good at all this, I am trying Elliot, I swear it meant nothing."

"I don't know why I snapped, I know you care about me Olivia, but sometimes I get so afraid of losing you I let my crazy emotions get in the way…I overreacted to the situation because, well…to be honest, I have always been jealous of him when he is around you. He was never attached to anyone and was free to indulge in all the feelings I wasn't. I hated when he came to work cases with us. I admit it, okay? I am jealous of his relationship with you. I guess I didn't know you were so close to him is all. Please, I am so sorry and I want this to work. Don't give up on us just yet." He said brushing his knuckles against her cheek.

Olivia looked into his eyes and whispered the last thing he expected to hear, and the first thing that popped into her head.

In a voice dropping with seduction, she said "Come to bed El. Make me forget for awhile…make love to me."

She tugged on his hand pulling him up the bed.

"Liv, you know I want this, but are you sure? I don't want to rush you we said we should wait."

' _Oh god please be sure Liv, I don't know how much control I have when you look at me like that.'_

Solving the problem once and for all, Olivia wrapped her arms around his neck, and bounced up to wrap her legs around his waist. She pressed her mouth against his, and whispered, "I want you. Oh god, so much. Please El, touch me. I want to feel your hands on me."

He was convinced as soon as she wrapped her legs around him. His hands roamed down her back to cup her tight bottom. Inside he was screaming '_this is happening! Oh god FINALLY!'_

They landed on the bed together. Elliot bracing the majority of his weight on his knees and hands so he didn't hurt her. At least that was the plan…Olivia had other intentions. She desperately needed to feel his weight on top of her, molding their bodies together. She pulled him firmly on top of her. She wanted the dominant Elliot, not tender Elliot.

"I am not a piece of glass El. I won't break. I have waited 8 years for this; I don't want to wait any more." She wanted and needed so much from him. She would take everything she could, everything he offered.

Seeing only lust in her eyes, he fused his mouth to hers once again, swallowing her shocked cry of delight as he sent buttons flying from her night shirt in his haste to remove her clothing. Ridding her of her shirt, he quickly went to work on her bra, his mouth never once leaving hers. The second he had removed her bra, he had replaced the lacy cups with his hands.

Olivia let out a breathy moan as she felt his hands on her. She could feel every callus on them, but somehow his hands were smooth as velvet as the moved over her heated body.

"Oh god El, more." She panted, "Please, I need more."

Not wanting to disappoint her, he trailed his mouth down her neck, lingering in the soft hollow there. He bit the skin there causing her to start under him, then he would soothe with his tongue and lips. He repeated this until she was breathless and dizzy with want.

Then his wandering mouth finally found her breasts. She let out a languid moan, arching up to meet him.

'_How is it possible for someone to be this beautiful? How have I ever survived without this for so long? I don't ever want this to end.'_

Pleasure slammed into her, and she resorted to begging again.

"Now, Please now. I can't. El." She moaned reaching for his shirt hem. The second she had it off, she was running her hands over the rigid muscle of his back.

Humming her approval, she was about to reach for his pants, when he dragged her hands above her head and gripped his hands around hers on the rungs of the head board.

"Stay." He ground out. He wanted her his way. He knew if she got her hands on him first, this would be over too soon. Instead he tugged her pants and underwear down and dipped his tongue into her heated core.

A strangled cry tore from her throat and she thought she might die. She couldn't breathe. The air was thick with desire, and she let out a deep moan as her release rolled through her.

"Elliot" she cried out in ecstasy.

They rolled over the bed both fighting for control now, and peppering each other with kisses and caresses. Needing more, and too eager to wait, he tossed his pants off the bed quickly tearing open the foil packet covering himself and hovered over her body.

Sensing he wanted her to look at him, she slowly opened her eyes as a smile spread across her mouth. She thought she would remember this moment forever. His eyes, his smile, his touch. If this was her last night on earth, she would die the happiest person.

Pulling his hips down, she arched her hips up. Time stopped. If she thought she couldn't breathe before, she was wrong. She couldn't catch her breath, and however cliché she knew it was, she swore she saw lights exploding. They didn't move. He stayed with his face inches away from her.

"I love you Olivia." He hadn't meant to say it, the words just tumbled out before he could stop them. Cupping her chin in his hand, he tilted her chin until she was looking him in the eye. He knew she felt the same way, there was no way she couldn't.

"Please Liv, I need to hear it." He had stopped moving, and she frowned her disapproval.

"Elliot, please" She whispered trying to get him moving again.

"Say it Olivia."

Her attempts to move her hips were halted when he pressed his pelvis into hers effectively stopping all movement.

"El…" She whimpered this time.

"Three words Olivia. That's it." He pressed down even firmer, dragging a moan from her.

Olivia stared up at him. She did love him. She was just afraid of losing control with him. Porter was right, and she needed to be in control.

"It's Okay Liv. I'll catch you. Let go. I'm right here."

Her breath hitched. Of course he knew…he was the one person who got her. Swallowing the lump in her throat, and rapidly blinking back the tears, she told him what he wanted to hear.

"I love you El. I love you so much." Her fingers smoothed down his cheek, before adding, "Please El, I need you. I need you so much it hurts."

With that, he began rocking his hips again. Together they began to move. The speed built, the onslaught of pleasure was blinding them both. They matched each other beat for beat, before crashing together.

Gasping for breath, they both fought to regain composure. Elliot lifted his face from her chest and kissed her cheek softly. He gave her a quick kiss on the lips before leaving the bed to grab some clothes for them incase Eli came in.

"You're so beautiful Liv." He said staring at her from the side of the bed. He looked at her for another minute before handing her the clothes and joining her in the bed.

"You okay? I didn't hurt you did I?" He asked as he pulled her into the curve of his body. She was quiet. Maybe he had pushed her too soon. He had made her say it. What if she really didn't mean it. Would she have really said it if she didn't?

Olivia was still reeling from everything that had happened, and she knew Elliot would be overacting in his head right now. He would be wondering if she actually meant it, but even though he had pushed her, she would admit something like that unless she actually meant it. She did love him, she just didn't want to mess everything up. She couldn't console him and deal with her warring thoughts as well.

She slowed her breathing and feigned sleep, it could wait. Deans visit and her feelings could all wait, they would still be there in the morning.

**Well there you have it, hopefully I didn't disappoint. And yay for me for actually updating 2x in one week! ;)**

**Hope you enjoyed, hit that little review button to let me know what you thought! Good or bad, it's nice to hear your thoughts.**

**Thanks,**

**Nan**


	7. Chapter 7

**I own nothing…**

**Your reviews are absolutely amazing! It's wonderful to hear how much you like this story, and I am very glad I didn't disappoint in the smut department. Thank you to everyone who has followed, favorited, and reviewed.**

**Nan**

She wasn't running. At least not by her standards she wasn't. Sure, she had crept out of bed silent as a thief in the night, but she was _not_ running.

Her shift at the Post Office started at 6:00am, she was 15 minutes early. Sarabeth, who was the Postmaster, wouldn't be here for at least another 10 minutes. The snow that they had called for had fallen and then some. It was still snowing now, and she barely managed to avoid being buried in the snow from an early morning plow truck.

She knew Elliot would be furious with her. He would have wanted to talk about last night before she left this morning, and she wasn't sure she was ready yet. All through the night she had laid next to him, listening to him breathing, unable to sleep herself. She couldn't believe she had said she loved him. She was pretty sure she couldn't love, and now she couldn't take it back. She fought the urge to just bury her head against his chest, and stay there forever, but that urge was the reason she snuck out.

Olivia Benson did not _need_ anybody. She was terrified that she had grown dependent on Elliot already, and she didn't know how to fix it. She remembered last night when she stared into his eyes, unable to look anywhere else. _"It's Okay Liv. I'll catch you. Let go. I'm right here." _Right now he was there, but what happened when all this was over? When she inevitably screwed this up? He would leave like everyone in her life had, and once again she would know it was her fault.

She heard footsteps and briefly wondered if it was Elliot, but then Sarabeth shouted something about the snow, and she pushed Elliot out her mind as best she could. She had a job to do after all.

* * *

She puffed out a breath as she once again lifted what could be the heaviest box ever over to the counter. It was extremely busy for a Thursday. Mary, the customer who was trying to ship the package, insisted that 3 stamps was enough to have it shipped to Ohio where her grandson lived. Mary also happened to be 93 years old, and the first time she had seen stamps they had been a penny. Olivia calmly began the explanation again.

"Mary, this box weighs over 16 pounds. The cost to ship this to Ohio is going to be $25.65."

"I put the postage on the package already dear. See that it gets to my grandson in time." She turned to leave but Sarabeth caught her before she made it out the door.

"Mary, where is Annie? Did she come with you?" Annie was Mary's daughter. Usually they went everywhere together.

"Annie? Oh well she is out in the car honey. Said she was going to keep the car warm for me. Isn't she just the sweetest?"

"Okay, I will tell you what. Why don't you wait here inside, and I will go tell Annie to pull around front so you don't have to walk back to the parking lot. How does that sound?" She hoped she didn't offend Mary, she knew how independent she claimed to be.

Olivia let out a sigh of relief when she saw Sarabeth come back inside after ushering Mary to her daughters car waving money at her.

"She does this every year. Annie told me she even sent money in an envelope for her mother to give us." She let out a laugh, then turned to help the next person at the counter.

Once again Olivia had to lift the box off the counter, and move it to the outgoing section. She took a moment to grab a sip of water from the bottle she had brought, and leaned against the wall closing her eyes for a moment. She wondered what Elliot was doing right now. Did he get Eli to pre-k classes okay? Was he mad? _'Of course he is mad you idiot…you ran away…again.'_

"I did NOT run." She mumbled out.

"Did you say something?" Sarabeth walked back towards her, all the customers having left for a much needed reprieve. "Are you feeling okay today Olivia? You look a little tired. Pale."

She pushed off the wall and capped the water back up and for the first time noticed the time. It was almost 11:30 in the afternoon.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just hungry, didn't realize I had been here that long already. It's been so busy today I haven't had a moment to catch my breath til now." She pushed some stray strands of hair behind her ears and let out a groan when she heard the bells on the front door jingle signaling a customer.

"Why don't you take your break now, I will take this customer, then close up for lunch myself."

She was grateful to be working with her. Sarabeth was 42, the mother of 2 beautiful girls, and a little boy who was in Eli's class. She had bonded instantly with her, and she was glad that she was able to make a friend in her current situation. She thought it might be a nice idea to have her son come over, or Eli go over there for a play date. She would have to ask.

"Hey" Sarabeth interrupted her thoughts. "There is a seriously hot guy here…says he's your husband. Wants to take you to lunch." She said all that like a teenage girl who was telling her friends about her latest crush.

"I wouldn't want to leave you here to deal with this by yourself…"

She huffed and shooed her over to the front room and Olivia thought she might get sick. She thought she wouldn't have to deal with this until she got home. It was going to happen now.

"Hey" He greeted her as if she was just another friend. Not cold, but certainly a far ways from the kisses or hugs she now normally got from him as a greeting. He threw a thanks at Sarabeth telling her they would only be at the café and would be back before the lunch hour was over. With a final wave, they stepped out into the snow.

"It's crazy all this snow right?" She watched him out of the corner of her eye. His hands, like hers, were shoved into his pockets. Anyone on the street would never guess they were a couple.

"Eli was so excited. He wanted me to drag him to school on his sled, which I did." He boasted. "I'm officially the coolest dad for doing that by the way. He probably will expect you to do the same tomorrow. That is if they even have school, they still think we are gonna get another foot before 5 tonight."

She was having trouble focusing on what he was saying because she kept trying to read him. She was failing though; she had no clue if this flippant Elliot was for real, or if he was just making conversation before he flipped out on her. She shrugged off her coat still eyeing him as he rambled on.

"I was thinking maybe I would take him to that park again. He had a really good time, and maybe he could bring a friend from class." He finally stopped talking, not really though, he was giving his order to the waitress. He finished and turned to look at her for her order.

"Something wrong?" She thought she heard an edge to his voice, and maybe she saw some anger in his eyes, but then he turned back towards the waitress again so fast she couldn't be sure.

"Just a cup of the soup please." She suddenly wasn't hungry anymore. Maybe she should just bring it up, that way it would be out there and open for discussion.

"Elliot…" she barely finished his name before he barreled on again.

"Oh, and then I was thinking I might take him to the movies on Sunday. The theater in town has a Kids Day on Sunday and they get free popcorn and a soda. They are showing that new Christmas movie about Jack Frost."

"El," She tried again but just then their meals were placed in front of them. Mumbling a thank you, she slowly stirred her steaming soup. Elliot had already bitten into his sandwich, and looking out the window into the street.

"Have you seen the lights at night on Main street? The lamp posts have blue and white snowflakes. This town in so old school, I actually kind of like it here."

Perfect, not only had he not let her get a word in edgewise, now he was talking away with his mouth fool. She resigned herself to listening to him chatter, but not fully. She honestly wasn't sure what was going on right now. Even if he wasn't mad, why was he talking about everything under the sun except what happened last night. She thought for sure he would have said something about how great it was, or how he couldn't wait to do it again, but he seemed intent on pretending like it never happened. He hadn't even mentioned Dean.

She was slightly mad that he wasn't bringing up the fact that they had _ finally _had sex last night. She briefly wondered if it actually had happened. Was it possible she had dreamt the whole thing?

No, she remembered everything in such perfect detail there was no way it was her imagination. If she focused hard enough she could still feel his hands running over her. The way his mouth tugged on her nipple. The way he thrust into her aching core. She shifted slightly to relieve the growing desire she felt at the memory, and tried to focus on what he was saying.

Maybe he didn't feel the same way she did last night. Maybe he said he loved her in the heat of the moment and couldn't take it back, and now he regretted the whole thing. She was so unsure of where they were right now that she wanted to cry. She was currently on a never ending roller coaster with her emotions, and she just wanted off.

"You ready? You sure you are okay, you barely touched your soup." He was already putting on his coat and moving to the cashier to pay. She didn't have time to answer; she just slipped on her jacket and walked over towards the door. Again the urge to cry rose up, and her lower lip trembled slightly as she fought to keep the tears from welling up and spilling. She could pretend it never happened, if he could.

"Thanks for having lunch with me, see you at home."

Was he really just going to leave? What the hell was going on? She was going to be sick. There was no way she would be able to make it through the last 2 hours of her shift.

She hadn't watched him walk away because she feared she might call out after him and that was weakness. She didn't need him, she reminded herself. She straightened her back and started to walk back to the Post Office. She barely took 5 steps when she heard his footsteps behind her. She spun around to face him, glad she hadn't let the tears win, and stuck her chin out in her typical stubborn manner. She hoped he would say whatever he had to say and then leave, she wanted to lick her wounds in private.

He didn't say anything, but moved them off to a quiet side street. Once there however, he let loose. He gripped her arms so tightly she yelped at the shock.

"How does it feel?" He was so close that his nose was almost touching hers.

"Do you like it?" He shook her, and she moved to grasp his forearms to balance herself.

"You wanna pretend like it never happened? This is what it feels like. Hurts doesn't it?" He saw the emotions she tried to hide all through lunch. His morning had been hell, wondering if she was even still in town, if she had simply run away. He really didn't want to hurt her, he just wanted her to feel what he felt when he had woken up and she had left.

Her head was spinning. He had planned this. Wanted her to feel like he obviously did this morning when he woke to find her gone. She tried to see past his anger and understand his hurt and frustration, but she could barely think past the pain in her chest. She wasn't going to cry, but that didn't mean she didn't want to.

"I'm sorry…"It was all she offered, and it was weak, she knew that. She saw his eyes narrow at her measly apology, and she knew he wasn't buying it.

"You better sort out whatever crazy fucking shit is in your head cause I'm not doing this again." It was over as soon as it started. He released her, and she quickly stepped back from him unconsciously rubbing her sore arms.

"And whatever the hell that was this morning? Don't pull that shit again, I mean it." With those final words echoing in her head she watched him walk away. He hid his anger and hurt well throughout lunch, and she was blindsided by his outburst because of it. She was hurting because he was hurting, and it was her fault. Could she do nothing right with him?

* * *

She wasn't sure what to do right now. What she really wanted to do was go after him and fix this new mess she had created, but she still had 2 hours left. She couldn't just leave Sarabeth alone the rest of the day. She rubbed at her tired eyes, still proud that she had not cried. She was unnerved that she had cried last night, she wasn't going to do that again anytime soon…she hoped.

Taking a few deep breaths, she made her way back to the Post Office. She was almost hit by the door as Sarabeth came flying out.

"Oh good, you're back." She was flustered, something was wrong. "My Gracie got sick at school. I have to go pick her up and get her home. Just close up after your shift, I will deal with the fallout tomorrow." Even if Olivia wanted to respond she couldn't have because the woman took off down the street towards the elementary school.

Well, that took care of that. She was staying and working the rest of the shift. She pushed everything but work out of her mind as best she could for the remainder of her shift.

* * *

He watched her cross the street and start up the walkway to the front door. She looked exhausted, and he briefly wondered if he had been too rough with her this afternoon. He could tell the way her shoulders hunched forward was not just from the cold, she was defeated.

He watched her still as she stood just outside the door, squaring up her shoulders like she was going into war. She was expecting and preparing for a fight with him. When he heard her stomp the snow off her boots, he moved to the couch as if he had been there the whole time.

After a few deep breaths, she pushed open the front door and shed her boots, coat, hat and gloves. Turning, she saw him sprawled on the couch in the living room. He seemed pretty engrossed in whatever was on the T.V. because he didn't even look over at her. She didn't offer up a greeting, instead she made her way up the stairs to take a quick shower and change. She was looking forward to the shower, she couldn't seem to get warm enough since lunch, and she hoped a hot shower fixed that.

The shower helped some, but she was stilled chilled. She ran a comb through her damp hair and quickly put on comfortable clothes. If she didn't have to go get Eli she probably would have just put on her pjs. It was one of those days.

When she came back downstairs, he was still laying on the couch. He still didn't look or speak to her. Was this what the silent treatment felt like? She tried to remember the last time she had someone who cared enough to use the silent treatment but couldn't. She did know that it sucked.

She came fully into the living room and made a very quick and risky decision. It could work, but what if it didn't? She wouldn't be able to handle him turning away from her physically now. She decided it was worth it if it worked though, and so she moved to the couch and stretched out next to him. Her body was half on the couch, and half on top of him.

She felt him stiffen but she didn't budge. If anything, she wrapped her arms tighter and pressed her face into his neck breathing in his scent.

"I'm sorry El. I'm so sorry." She mumbled it over and over again fighting the tears that threatened. He would feel them immediately if she let them fall, and she knew he wouldn't think she was playing fair if she cried. She didn't want to fight with him, not when she had so much to talk to him about.

He turned on the couch so she was cradled against his chest, and wrapped his arms tight around her. He felt her shudder, and pressed a kiss atop her head. _'Please don't cry, please don't cry.'_ It was a quick thought, almost a prayer. If she cried, he would literally do anything to make her stop. He hated that he had made her cry last night, and not just a little teardrop, she broke last night.

"Talk to me Liv." He rubbed her back in soothing circles thankful that he felt no dampness where her face was pressed against him. "Tell me what's going on in that head." He cradled her in his arms and moved them both to a sitting position. He needed to see her, needed to look into her eyes.

She kept her head cast down, her eyes were closed. After what seemed like long minutes, she finally raised her head and looked at him with eyes that he had never seen before. It was almost as if all the light had had left her. She looked paler than he had ever seen her, and it was basically just a blank face looking back at him.

"I don't love you. I can't love you Elliot." She purposely looked just to the left of his face, afraid that if she made direct eye contact he would see how scared she was. She would beg him to forgive her.

If she had hauled off and punched him in the side of the face he couldn't have been more surprised. She was lying, she had to be. _'please be lying'_

"Can't, or won't?" It came out harsher than he meant, but he was hurt. "So last night, you just said it, but you didn't mean it?" He pressed his hands against his thighs; afraid if he put his hands on her he might just shake some sense into her.

"Last night you made me say it. I would never have said that if you hadn't pressed me." Her voice wavered, and for a terrible moment she thought she was going to lose it. He looked so angry, but more than that he was hurt.

"Bullshit Olivia. You're lying. Look me in the eyes and tell me you mean it. Tell me you don't love me." He was desperate. He was losing ground. He watched as she pushed up off the couch, and even though he was dying to touch her, he let her go.

She paced to the window, then back to him trying to gather her thoughts. Taking a deep breath, she looked at him.

"I am incapable of love Elliot. I don't know how. My mother never loved me…how could she when I was the result of something she wanted to forget but had to look at me every day." She swallowed past the aching lump in her throat and pushed on, not wanting him to stop her. "Obviously my father never loved me, and my grandmother? She treated me like I was the spawn of Satan. God, I am. I can't love you…I would only end up hurting you, I wouldn't mean to, but I will and you'll leave. Everyone does." She covered her face with her hands, pressing the heel of her hands against her eyes trying to prevent the tears from falling. Barely succeeding, she continued.

"I don't know how to do this." She sank back against the cushions of the couch tilting her head back and closing her eyes. Defeated, she couldn't help the single tear that fell. _'lock it up Olivia. Keep it together so he won't see that on the inside you are screaming for him to love you.'_

He didn't speak at first, waiting a minute to let what she had just told him sink in. He moved so he was on the coffee table across from her, and reached out to wipe the tear off her cheek.

"Look at me." He was calm, or at least he sounded calm. Inside he was throwing a party. She was lying, she did love him. She was just afraid of screwing up, of losing him.

"Olivia" This time he was firmer, and she opened her tired eyes. "I already told you this once, but I guess it didn't sink in that time so I will tell you again, and I will keep telling you until you believe it. You are _nothing_ like you mother, or you father. I have seen you with the victims, you care. People that care can love Liv. Maybe you don't know how to do it, but it's there. I see it when you are with Eli. You love him don't you?" He was going to make her see she could love.

"That's not the same." She let out a sigh and was about to say something else but he spoke first.

"How is it not the same? You either love him, or you don't." He barely managed to hide the frustration in his voice.

"I do love him, but he's a child. If I do something wrong, I can fix it with a bowl of ice cream. It's not like that with you. You bring out every emotion from me. Half the time I feel naked standing in front of you, you see too much. I have already given you more than I have ever given anyone else, isn't that enough?" If he was frustrated, she was 10x worse. How could she make him see this was a mistake?

"So what? Do we just pretend like last night, the past couple of weeks never happened?" he scrubbed his hands over his face. Damned if he would cry over someone who didn't want him…but she did, she was just too scared to admit it. "Is that what you want?"

She didn't answer, or rather she couldn't answer. How could he even suggest that they pretend it never happened? How could he just go back to the way things were?

"I guess that answers that…" He took her silence as confirmation that she was done. He kept his face blank, you would never know that on the inside he was dying. He needed a drink.

"No." She knew he probably didn't hear her, she could hardly hear herself, so she stood and walked over to him. "No, I don't want to forget El. That is the last thing I want." She had reached out and took hold of his hand, and he turned his over so they were palm to palm.

"So what do you want? You haven't exactly been clear." He was afraid of her answer.

"You."

He never thought one word would fix everything, but this was definitely pretty close. He let out the breath he hadn't realized he was holding and pulled her against him.

"Don't say I didn't warn you…" She was talking about not being able to love, or maybe she could she just didn't know how.

"I don't pretend to know what love is for everyone Liv, but I can tell you what it is for me; love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person, love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you." He wanted to see her smile again. She hadn't at all today, definitely not at him anyway.

She looked up at him with a slightly astounded look in her eyes. "When did you get to be so smart and touchy feely?" She gave him a small smile and leaned in to kiss him. Just before her lips touched his he backed away.

"For the record, I think some ice cream would definitely help smooth this situation…"

They laughed, and he groaned when she whispered in his ear that she could think of a better way.

**AN:**

**The thing Elliot says about love is a quote I always liked, it anonymous, I couldn't find the source, but it's not mine…**

**I know this chapter is a little all over the place, but it's supposed to be. I wanted to show the jumbled mess of Olivia's thoughts and emotions…**

**Things will DEFINATLEY be taking a turn for the not so safe soon. ****

**Thanks for reading and please please please review!**

**Happy Holidays,**

**Nan**


	8. Chapter 8

**I own nothing…**

**I also moved this to "M" because I wasn't certain how graphic and detailed you could be in "T" so I moved it here to be safe…I told you last chapter that things were going to get intense soon so…**

**Here we go:**

**10:55 pm**

She couldn't breathe. She fought the weight of her soaking clothes as they pulled her deeper. She kicked with everything she had, determined to get back to the surface. She had to, he would never forgive her if he died.

It was too long. Nearly thirty seconds since they had fallen into the creek. How much longer could he last? How long would she last? Would she feel the life leave his tiny body? _'please, not like this…'_

He was clawing at her, trying to climb his way up her body and out of the water. It gave her an idea. Gathering all her strength, she kicked her legs and thrust her arms up over her head at the same time.

Eli's head broke the surface and she gave one last surge with her legs and his body slumped over the ice. She wasn't sure if he was all the way out, or if he was going to slide back in.

She had to breathe. She was so cold, millions of tiny pins biting into her skin. Her vision grayed, she was sinking. She was so tired. She couldn't fight anymore, wasn't sure if she even wanted to.

She thought she saw his face. His blue eyes silently begging her to hang on, to fight.

She saw his arms reaching out for her just before the world faded away. _'I love you Elliot.__'_

* * *

**Earlier that Morning**

"ELI!" This was the 5th time he had called for him. "Sarabeth is gonna be here any minute! You'll miss your play date if you don't hurry!" He barely finished his sentence before the doorbell sounded.

"Hello Elliot, is Eli ready?" Sarabeth greeted him with a friendly smile.

"Uh, yeah. He's just upstairs, let me go get him." He quickly climbed the stairs and hurried Eli back down.

Buttoning him up in his coat, he handed Sarabeth a $20 for sledding and food while they were out.

"You don't have to worry about the cast, its coming off in a week so if it gets a little damp don't worry." He crouched down in front of his son. "Be good, and listen to Mrs. Jordan. And remember, who comes in four days?"

"SANTA!" Eli practically jumped with excitement. He had been on his best behavior all week but it never hurt to remind him.

"Okay, we probably will just grab a pizza for an early dinner, but we should be back by 6 tonight. I will call you if we have any trouble." She gave him a wink, and began walking towards her car where her son Lucas was waiting. Eli turned to offer a quick goodbye, and then hurried to get buckled in the car so he could get to the park. Elliot watched them back out and waited for their car to disappear around the corner.

It was Friday, neither Olivia nor Elliot had to work today, and with Eli gone and it barely being 9:30 in the morning he quietly went back upstairs hoping to join Olivia for a little more sleep. He had gotten home early this morning, around 2:30. By the time he had gotten home and showered and ready for bed it was too late to wake her up just to kiss her goodnight.

He guessed things were going okay with them. It could always be worse… It had been over a week since he basically told her that if she pulled a stunt like her leaving again that he was done. Since then they had definitely cooled off, almost like she didn't know how to act around him anymore. She hadn't said she loved him again, and neither had he. They rarely were in each other's presence for more than 40 minutes before one of them was rushing out the door for work. He would change that today, they had the house all to themselves.

He quietly walked into the room and just looked at her. The sun was slanting through the window so perfectly that it was like a movie the way it lay across her face. He knew if he leaned over and brushed his lips over her cheek it would be warmed from it. Instead, he moved to the window and pulled the drapes closed to block the sun a little longer. He shed his clothes, leaving only his boxers on, and climbed into his side of the bed.

He shifted so he was facing her and just stared. He wondered where they would be if it hadn't been for this whole disaster with Jesse Cortez and Witness Protection. He liked to think he would eventually have told her about his feelings for her, but then again, he couldn't know for sure that he would have. He guessed this whole thing was a blessing in disguise…

"Stop it" She hadn't moved, didn't even open her eyes, but he knew she was awake from the agitated tone of her voice.

"Stop what?" he asked innocently. He shifted closer, and he could smell the faint remnants of her mouthwash on her breath. She must have gotten up, then come back to bed.

"Stop staring at me…it creeps me out." Huffing, she turned away from him, hoping to get back to sleep. She had just closed her eyes when she felt her body being tugged back towards him, and before she could protest, she was being pinned down by him. He had both of her arms in his hands trapped on either side of her head, and his thighs were currently resting between hers.

"What? You mean don't like when I stare at you like this?" He pressed his face so close all she could see were his eyes. "This creep you out?" He gave a small chuckle, but didn't move.

She let out a small huff of air pretending to be annoyed, but she was actually happy. She never really knew how to act around him since that day at the diner. She was afraid he expected her to say she loved him if things physically progressed again, so she had begun to back off. She kept it at kissing mostly, although she had nearly come from that and his damned hands the other day in the kitchen. She barely managed to push him back so it didn't happen, claiming that they might wake Eli up, who was napping in the next room.

"Hey if I'm bothering you, I can move…" He rolled his hips into hers as he spoke, and smiled when he heard her sharp intake of breath. He pressed his lips against her ear and whispered, "I miss you." It was quiet, and had his mouth not been so close to her ear she probably wouldn't have heard him.

Taking his face in her hands she pushed him away so she could see him fully. "How can you miss me? I haven't gone anywhere El." She rubbed her thumbs back and forth across the stubble on his cheeks. He looked sad almost, his eyes serious as he gazed at her. She knew what he meant though; she had been distant and hesitant where he was concerned all week.

"I'm so afraid I'm gonna mess this up El." There were no tears, no quiver of her lips, she simply spoke the truth. "If I do something wrong, I don't just lose you, but Eli as well." She met his stare, willing him to understand.

"Yeah I get that Liv, but not doing anything? Then nothing happens, and that's boring. We might as well be strangers. I feel like you don't want this anymore." He sighed and rolled away to stare up at the ceiling.

She quickly rolled so that she was facing him, immediately missing the warmth of his body.

"I do want you. I know it doesn't seem that way, but I _do _want you."

Taking a deep breath, she sat up and pulled her sleep shirt up over her head exposing her breasts to him. Before he could really do anything she had straddled him and planted her hands on either side of his head. Leaning forward she lightly pressed her lips to his.

"I do want you, and at the most inappropriate times too." She pressed another kiss to his mouth. "Like when we went to the store and you just ran your fingers over my back, I wanted you." Another kiss, this time followed by a quick nip to his bottom lip. "When we took Eli to the movies, and you brushed my knuckles with your thumb and yesterday in the kitchen when you were making pancakes…god I love watching you cook. So. Damn. Sexy." Each word was accented with a quick kiss.

When she leaned up from him he let out a low groan at having her away from him so soon, but she wasn't done. She sat up completely, tossing her tousled hair behind her shoulders. She ran her tongue over her bottom lip and smiled at him.

"Don't you want to touch me?" She had never done this before with any man. She never just lay there either, but she had definitely never been this forward. She faltered a bit when he didn't respond immediately as she had hoped.

How could he respond? He couldn't say the amount of times he had dreamed of her just like this. Her hair down around her shoulders, her cheeks flushed with desire, her eyes so full of lust they were nearly black. He was almost afraid that she would vanish if he did move, but in the end he didn't have a choice.

She reached for his hands, and biting her bottom lip slightly, she placed his hands over her breasts.

"Touch me El."

He didn't need to hear her say it again, the sound of her voice just now sent his blood humming. Suddenly he couldn't get enough of her. He cupped her breasts and groaned at the sight before him; her head thrown back in abandoned pleasure, a small smile playing at her lips, and her eyes barely open.

"Oh God." He had brushed her nipples with his thumbs and was now gently rolling them between his thumb and forefinger. She couldn't help the sighs and moans that escaped her lips and slowly began rocking her hips against him.

Needing more contact with her, he pushed himself up and scooted her back more on his thighs so he could kiss her. When her lips were swollen and red, he tipped her back so he could kiss his way down her chest, stopping only when he reached her nipples.

She couldn't control her body. Each pull from his lips on her nipple caused her hips to buck against him desperately seeking some sort of contact, some sort of relief. She could barely control the quiver in her belly and legs when she arched her back into his greedy mouth and offered, no demanded he take more. She had never been this aroused. She could count on one hand the amount of times they had had sex, and this session was blowing them away. Sure, the first time she would never forget, but this time had her wondering if it were truly possible to die from pleasure. He was killing her.

Each time she rocked against him he nearly lost it. He had wanted to take her slowly, to hear her sigh softly, and kiss her gently while he brought them both to sweet release. This was so much better. She was like fire in his arms. Her body was an inferno, and she dipped and moved like a flame. He couldn't wait, he had to have her or he was going to die.

She felt the change in him before she saw it. His body got tense, and his hands pressed against her lower back urging her closer still. She let out another moan that ended in a gasp as he flipped them over so she was pressed into the mattress and he was looking down at her.

"I need you Liv." Was he panting? Or was that her? He didn't care; he was desperate to be inside of her again. He sat up with his legs on both sides of her and tucked his fingers in the elastic at her hips. When she lifted her hips slightly, he drew her panties down and off of her. Quickly removing his boxers, he reached for the bedside table and removed a condom from the drawer. He clutched the tiny package in his hands and leaned forward to kiss her lips again. When he could no longer stop himself from plunging into her, he leaned back and quickly covered himself with the condom. He rested his forehead against hers as he slowly pushed into her. When his body was flush against hers he stilled and kissed his way from her ear to the throbbing pulse in her throat giving her time to adjust.

She was drowning in him. She had his face in her hands as she stared into his eyes. So blue, they demanded she not look anywhere but them. She could actually cry from the sheer joy of it all. She closed her eyes against the sudden wave of emotion, and needing the control back she pushed and rolled them so she was astride him.

She caught her breath at the new position feeling fuller than she ever had. Happy that the tears no longer threatened, she locked eyes with him again and began to move against him.

He had never seen anything more beautiful. She was like a goddess atop him. He watched as she rode him, her head rolling back and a low moan leaving her lips. He wanted more. He needed more. He reached again for her nipples, now red and slightly swollen from his mouth. When she cried out at his touch her reared up and took one then the other into his mouth. He was impressed that she never broke the rhythm. He kissed her and groaned when she picked up the pace. He was so close. She was closer though. He felt when she stopped her up and down movement and began to grind her hips against his.

She couldn't stop it, she wasn't sure she wanted to. Pressing her lips to his neck, she let go. A strangled cry tore from her lips and her body went taught with tension. She fought weakly against the orgasm, wanting him to crash with her, but it was no use. She lifted up once more and as she sank down to him she shattered around him.

"_El_…_oh God El!"_ She clutched at him, begging for more, begging him to take her higher yet.

He sat up and lifted her so that he could rise to his knees and laid her back down so her head was at the foot of the bed. Watching her come around him broke him. He gripped her hips and began to thrust into her at a punishing pace. He wanted to go with her. He wanted more. He watched as her head thrashed about with intensity of it all. Her breaths were coming in choked sobs that urged him on.

"El…Please…_Please Elliot._" He was so fucking close, he could feel her pulsing around him. She was going to come again. This time he would make sure it was with him. He pressed his thumb against the engorged nub between her legs and began to swipe it, timing it with his thrusts. She was practically screaming his name now, not caring at all that she was not usually this vocal. She closed her eyes as her back bowed from the bed signaling her approaching release.

"Look at me" He practically growled it at her. "Look at me Liv." When she finally opened her eyes they were glazed and he doubted she was focused on him. He quickened his thrusts and his ministrations against her throbbing clit. Unable to hold on any longer, he sent them both flying toward oblivion. He shouted, or maybe she screamed. He couldn't be sure, and at the moment he really didn't care. He sank down on her pressing his lips to hers before resting his head on her shoulder.

He desperately wanted to tell her he loved her, but he held back. He didn't want to ruin this moment. Instead, he eased out of her and quickly went the bathroom to clean himself up. When he got back, she was still in the exact spot he had left her. He crawled onto the bed, and wiped at the sweat on her brow.

"Are you okay? Did I hurt you baby?" She was so still, the only indication that they had just had mind blowing sex was her rapid breathing. "Liv?" He nudged her shoulder and she groaned in protest.

"Can't move yet…" She shielded her eyes from the sun, he must have opened the drapes. She reached her free hand towards him motioning him closer so she could speak to him. When he was close enough she whispered in his ear.

"I need to shower." She laughed because she knew that wasn't at all what he expected. He lifted her up into his arms and made his way to the shower, kissing her the entire way there. When he stepped inside he set her feet on the ground and turned the water on.

As she stood there, she slowly started to feel her body again. There was an annoying throbbing ache between her legs, but honestly she never felt better. She shivered slightly as he ran the soapy sponge across her skin.

They took turns washing and exploring each other's bodies. She had expected him to take her again in the shower, but as she emerged from under the spray, she found him looking at her lower body strangely.

"El?" Something was wrong, he definitely was not looking at her the same way he was before.

She watched as he reached his hand towards her hip and pressed into the skin there. She winced at the pressure and looked where his fingers prodded her skin.

"I was rough with you." Both of his hands were now gently smoothing over the dark red marks he had put there. She knew immediately where his thoughts were going. Back to the kitchen when he thought he had hurt her. She quickly stepped into him, pressing her body against his, and rising on her tiptoes.

"Don't even think it Elliot. Did you hear me complaining?" When he didn't look at her, she gripped his chin in her hand and tilted his face so he was. "You didn't hurt me Stabler. If anything, you're worse than me. I drew blood when I scratched you." She kissed him gently trying to make him see that he didn't hurt her. "It's just a bruise, it will fade." Reaching behind her, she shut the shower off and reached for a towel. He beat her to it, and she waited patiently while he wrapped the towel around his hips and then reached for another one. He slowly began to dry her off, stopping periodically to kiss a bruise or scratch. When he finished, he wrapped the towel around her and leaned in to kiss her softer than he ever had.

"I don't want to put bruises on your body Olivia. I had no idea I was that rough." He stepped back and began to walk into the bedroom opening drawers and pulling on clothes as he went. She followed him and stopped in front of him.

"At any point during that did you see pain on my face? No, because you didn't hurt me. Stop thinking that you did. I wanted everything you gave and if you did something I didn't like, I would have stopped you. But I didn't. I like that I make you lose control El. I like knowing I hold that power. Okay?"

She went willingly into his outstretched arms, and pressed her cheek against his chest. Hearing his heartbeat was comforting and she liked knowing that she could make it race with barely a touch.

"I am sorry. I don't know what came over me to be honest. I can't say I have ever done that before." He pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "You promise you would say something if I hurt you?"

She tilted her head back so she could look into his eyes. "Yes, I would tell you if you hurt me, now let me get dressed and then we can go get a late breakfast at the diner." She went to kiss him again but as her lips pressed against his he mumbled something.

"Promise." He said it again and waited for her to say something.

"Jeez Stabler I promise okay? You're really killing the mood here you know…" Her next words came out as a giggle as he lifted her up so her legs wrapped around his waist.

"I could put you back in the mood." His hands were on her ass, and even though she somehow wanted him again, she was hungry. She didn't think she had enough energy for another round like that.

"Feed me first, I'm starving." She laughed against his mouth and then wiggled so he put her down.

* * *

Once they were both dressed and ready to go, they began the short walk to the diner.

"Do you think the creek is frozen through yet? Sarabeth said they dam it up at the first snow so the town can skate on it when it freezes." She gripped his hand and thought it would be nice to try skating. They took a detour through the park to check out and saw that the majority of the creek had frozen, but here were still some thin spots. Better to wait a little longer. It certainly wasn't warming up any.

When they finally got to the diner they both were pretty cold, so Elliot sat on the same side of the booth with Olivia so she could snuggle against him. They ate in bouts of comfortable silence and random chatter. Throughout the entire meal one of them was touching the other. If he wasn't holding her hand, she had hers resting on his leg. If she wasn't tracing the lines on his palm, he was playing with curls of her hair. They were like teenagers, neither could wait to get back to the house. Once they finished, they paid and hurried out to get home.

They kissed just outside the diner, and Olivia honestly couldn't believe she was acting like this. She just had the man not even 3 hours ago…how could she possible be craving him so much? Deciding she couldn't wait much longer, she broke the kiss and turned, running in the direction of the house.

"Race you home." She tossed the words back to him over her shoulder, already nearly 25 yards in front of him. He was fast though and she knew he would make up the distance. Turning back around, she barely managed to avoid colliding into the person before her.

"Whoa…" The man had gripped her shoulders to steady her, but when he saw her face he immediately stepped away from her.

"I'm so sorry sir, I wasn't paying attention. Are you okay?" He was wearing a knitted face mask, and all she could see were his eyes. They looked familiar, and when she would have questioned him, Elliot joined them.

"Nice going Liv, you almost took him out. Sorry about that, we were just having a little fun." He wrapped his arm around Olivia pulling her tight against him.

"Have a nice day." They thought it was weird that he didn't say anything, but stepped around him and began to walk again.

Elliot noticed that Olivia seemed to have lost her playful spirit. "What's up? Did that guy say something to you before I got there?" He watched as she looked over her shoulder trying to look at the guy again, but he was gone.

"No, he just seemed familiar. Like I knew him or something…He probably came into the Post Office." She shook of the uneasy feeling in her stomach and tried to forget about the guy.

"Come on, take me home Stabler."

"Happy to Benson."

* * *

He couldn't believe it. Of all the crappy towns for his fucking car to break down it happened to be this one. He had been following that asshole FBI guy last week, but he lost him in New Hampshire. He was giving up and heading home when the car suddenly quit. As he walked through the town looking for another car he could easily jack, she had nearly ran him over.

His luck was finally changing. He found them. He didn't really care about the guy or the little brat for that matter. She was the bitch that put his brother away. She was the reason his brother was getting raped in prison. She was going to die. He would make sure of it.

He already changed his mind about this town. Not only was she here, almost all the cars were unlocked. He bet they didn't even lock their front doors…stupid small towns. He had to duck into a side street to celebrate his finding them. Everything was coming together now. He would get revenge for his big brother Raymond.

If it was the last thing he did, Jesse Cortez would kill the bitch.

**Thank you all for reading, your reads, reviews, and favorites are most inspiring, thank you so much!**

**Happy New Year,**

**Nan**


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